Friday, December 09, 2005

She ain't what she used to be...

When I was a child, my Dad had a funny game we used to play. I must have been 7 or 8 years old at the time. He'd pretend he was a horse and I'd climb on back as he crawled around on the floor. He always sang this song and would start swaying before the end:

The old gray mare,
she ain't what she used to be...
ain't what she used to be,
ain't what she used to be.

The old gray mare,
she ain't what she used to be...

Then, he'd collapse to the floor with me falling off and laughing hysterically. I guess it was a sort of Southern version of Ring Around the Rosy or something. I would always squeal, "Do it again! Do it again!" Out of breath and overweight, he always did it again for me a few times just to see me laugh as I fell off.

Well, today I am learning this old gray mare just AIN'T what she used to be! (OK, I'm not gray yet, thanks to good hiliting at the salon!)

Last night, I cautiously attended the annual Christmas party for my old bunco group. If you've read my blog for awhile, you know that I dropped this group because I started feeling like I didn't belong in the group and felt I wasn't really missed at all when I left. Well, they chose to invite everyone who had been a part of the group to the Ornament exchange/dinner festivities at Christmas. I wasn't sure if I should go. And, I didn't really get a rousing "Great, we're so glad you're coming!" when I RSVP'd either. But, hey, I figured they wouldn't have invited me if they didn't mind my coming, right?

As it turned out, it was a really pleasant evening catching up with old friends. It was the same dynamic, where you don't really feel many ask how you're doing. But, I did get to hear how some of them were and enjoy the funny over-exaggerated stories and lots of wine! The usual players were out to recant funny-but-over-told stories with lots of embellishments, but they also had some new ones to share. And, there was just a feeling of warmth and fun the whole night, which was refreshing and just what I needed.

And, that leads me back to that old gray mare comment. Gradually drinking a half glass of wine here and a half glass there for several hours straight, I thought I'd be fine the next day. Well, I am here to tell you...I am SO NOT FINE today. My body feels old beyond its years. It's not your typical hang-over remnants. No headache. No queasiness. But, darn it if I don't feel just BEAT DOWN today completely! It is as if someone ran over me with a Mack truck in my slumber last night. And I could just crash on the couch all morning if it wasn't for a certain 20-month-old with a penchant for exploring and a need for attention. Darn those cute toddlers!

All and all, last night was really good for me. I am starting to realize I have developed a really bad habit of assuming what people are thinking or doing, and assuming that is something negative about me. And, yesterday even before this party, I officially decided to try and let that go.

So, I walked in feeling a little vulnerable, but I was determined to not go to this party assuming no one wanted me there. And, consequently, I ended up having fun. Afterwards, I talked to my hubby about it. He admitted that he thinks I have gotten worse lately about assuming the worst. I guess it comes naturally when you grow up with a mother as I did, who gives pessimism and negativity a new name. But, I usually pride myself on being different from her. Unfortunately, it's been a long year full of learning a lot about catty women. I feel like I should have some sort of battle wounds or something from dealing with this, to be honest. So, I'll admit at times I've slipped into a negative funk and let it get the best of me for awhile. But, I'm working on that with new determination to stay positive now and NOT assume things unless I know them for sure.

This old gray mare ain't what she used to be, but she's trying really hard to get better instead of worse with every gray hair and every tired bone in her body! Oh, and the wine...aigh-yigh-yigh...gotta watch out for that wine in the future...


Blogger Karen Rani said...

I don't know how old you are, but I started feeling that way after the Troll was born - 17 months ago. I'm 31. Lord help me if I have more than 2 drinks...and I used to be able to really drink....ah well....glad you had fun!

11:50 AM, December 09, 2005  
Anonymous terrilynn said...

This old gray mare sympathizes with you completely. But it sounds like a fun party!

Michele sent me tonight.

8:27 PM, December 09, 2005  
Anonymous The Cryer said...

Amen. This not-so-old, not-at-all-gray mare certainly ain't what she used to be! And I can totally relate to the 'assuming people think the worst of you' thing. I fall into that too. Have to kick myself and remember that high school was a LONG time ago!!

Here from Michele's tonight, but I really enjoyed my stay. I'll be back! :)

8:48 PM, December 09, 2005  
Blogger Prego said...

You weren't drinking one of those boxed wines, were you? I've heard about those bunko games. People tend to like them, but complain about them. Weird. I'll stick to hockey.

Great blog - here from Michele's. You'll see me again!

10:01 PM, December 09, 2005  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

aigh yigh yigh... Never seen it written that way, but I LOVE it!

My mom used to sing that song when I was little and I swear I sing it in my mind EVERY TIME I feel old. Ha ha!

I'm glad you're reaching outside your comfort zone and trying things that aren't necessarily comfortable. I think that will definitely ease the pessimism.

8:26 AM, December 10, 2005  
Blogger Vanessa said...

Sometimes you just have to gather up your courage and go out and decide you're going to have a good time, and that's exactly what you did. I've been in that type of situation before, too. Glad to hear the night turned out well, even if the morning after didn't!

11:38 AM, December 10, 2005  
Blogger Chrixean said...

I can so relate with you in terms of assuming the worst some times with people... getting sad and depressed over expecting the worst, only to find out that it really wasn't what it seemed to be for me. I, too, am learning to get over the pessimism (i grew up in a house of worriers! beat that,hehe) and give people the benefit of the doubt. I can also relate with the alcohol, haha!

Glad you're feeling much better now and that you had fun at your party :-)

8:26 PM, December 11, 2005  

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