A Square in a Room Full of Circles

So, last night was a big social night around ye old hacienda--bunco night. In reflection this morning, I have had a lot of revelations. This post may only stay up for a short while, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings who might stumbling across it while surfing the net.

First off, I am the "square" of this group, along with one or two others. We are the mild drinkers, peacemakers, and the ones who don't need all the attention. Everyone else is pretty much the opposite.

Here are some interesting facts from last night:
Bottles of wine consumed/number of people drinking: 8 bottles/10 drinking
Amount spent of plastic surgery in the room: More than $30,000 (best estimate)
Number of boob jobs in the room: 3 (that's 6 breasts and counting)
Number of people talking about having boob jobs: 1 (a sub in our group is now "on board")
Number of breasts flashed during the night showing off boob jobs: 6 breasts
Surgery incisions shown: 5 (4 breasts & 1 lipo)
Time stayed at the party: 6 left just after 11, 1 left just after midnight, the last 3 left around (yawn) 1 a.m.!

Also, I'm realizing this morning that there's a lot of self absorption in the group. I am not someone who needs constant validation, but no one asked to see my new baby's nursery, or my new scrapbooking room, or even inquired much of anything about me because they were all so busy showing their fake boobs. There was even a lady who'd had $16,000 in plastic surgery (liposuction/tummy tuck) in the room who was overshadowed by the boobs. People, these ladies are MORE boob-obsessed than your worst "breast man!"

I have been in my group for around 3 years. The ladies are a lot of fun. But, I'm sitting here wondering, why do I stay in this group? I feel most times that I stick out like a sore thumb with these women. I'm overweight, when they are all attractive and fit. I don't drink that much, and you read the wine tally above. I have no intentions of having plastic surgery, barring any horrible disfiguring accidents! And yet I stay with the group. And every time I go, I think, this will be the time I have had enough and walk away.

The other thing I don't like about the group is that they always seem to have a target--someone that they are unhappy with in the group and want out. Even though, sometimes these people have earned the distinction and deserve it.

So, you might wonder why DO I stay in the group. Here's what I can come up with:
1. These women are hilarious. I am usually crying by the end of the night at someone's story. I truly appreciate their humor.
2. The women are all pretty well put-together, considering their partying life. They are active in our community and actually pretty impressive outside of their partying.
3. And, on a deeper level, I grew up with a father who struggled with alcohol and was from a family of alcoholics. And not to label anyone, but I wonder if (on a subconscious level) I'm there because I want to somehow help them.

The other funny thing I realized this morning is that this bunco group, well they mirror my sorority in SO many ways! I never quite felt I fit in to that group either, not really being the "sorority girl" type. And, yet, I stayed in and even was an officer of the group for awhile.

In a nutshell, these ladies are the lovable party girls you grew up with. And I just wonder if, deep down, there is something about me that wishes I could be like that. Even my husband is kind of a "life of the party" type of guy, the type of person people like to hang out with because he always knows how to have a good time. And, now that I think about it, that would completely describe my Dad to a "T" as well!

And, even with all of these revelations, I still feel like this is all going to end ugly. It is like watching a train headed for a derailment. I don't see how I can stay in this group, yet something stops me from quitting it. And I have this feeling I am going to really get my feelings really hurt in the end. Stay tuned...