Photo-traumatized and the Irony
I'm an avid scrapbooker and consider my albums and pictures definitely my most prized possession. Seriously, if there were a fire, I'd get my kids and pets out and go back in for the albums no matter how hairy the blaze was!
That makes what I am about to say a tad ironic. I hate having my picture taken. I LOVE photographing my family and friends. Maybe it is because I am BEHIND the camera that I love this.
The main reason for this lies in one of my pet peeves in life. That is, when you go to something, feel like you look pretty good only to find out later you did not. You hold your head high and smile and feel like you gussied yourself up quite well. Then, you get photos back and realized how you look like a beached whale or at the very least someone DEFINITELY not like yourself!
A friend of mine made me laugh about this the other day. She'd had family photos done and was reeling afterward, and commented that she knew her family would say she looks good in the picture when she knows that is NOT how she looks, she looks much better than that! I know exactly how she feels!
I recently saw shots of me online that made me stop in my tracks and do a double-take. I truly thought I might hurl. I couldn't believe the body that was looking back at me. I guess sometimes it takes something like this to make you realize when you really must stop and reevaluate what you are doing to yourself...even if it is subconsciously.
In our minds eye, we all see ourselves looking as we want to look. We might take long evaluative glances at ourselves in the mirror sighing, but when we're out living our lives, we see ourselves as svelte and sassy--not rolled and flabby.
I must say, it is not easy to accept the reality that you've let yourself get way too big. Those who love you will argue with this and say you look great and to love yourself the way you are. And they are right, but it seems so impossible to do that really.
Kirstie Alley has a huge ad campaign currently for Jenny Craig where she touts, "Hey, I'm fat. Wanna go on a diet with me?" I applaud her bluntness and honesty. It takes real courage to use the word "fat" with yourself in the same sentence.
I guess I admire that she's been able to do that--look at herself and say, "hey, I'm fat and I need to fix that" without totally berating herself or minimizing all her other wonderful qualities. Why can't we as women do that? Why must we wrap so much of our self esteem into what we think we should weigh or look like?
I know that I'm a good person. I take good care of my kids. I am a very loyal friend. I'm very trusting and devoted to my marriage and family. And I have a decent sense of humor and manage to make those around me chuckle now and then. And yet, I spend many days beating myself up because my body does not reflect who I feel I am, when I look in the mirror.
I guess the wisdom I hope I gain with age is to learn to love myself whatever size and shape I am. To look in the mirror and see all those good qualities and smile, instead of sighing at my reflection because it isn't what I want to see.
That makes what I am about to say a tad ironic. I hate having my picture taken. I LOVE photographing my family and friends. Maybe it is because I am BEHIND the camera that I love this.
The main reason for this lies in one of my pet peeves in life. That is, when you go to something, feel like you look pretty good only to find out later you did not. You hold your head high and smile and feel like you gussied yourself up quite well. Then, you get photos back and realized how you look like a beached whale or at the very least someone DEFINITELY not like yourself!
A friend of mine made me laugh about this the other day. She'd had family photos done and was reeling afterward, and commented that she knew her family would say she looks good in the picture when she knows that is NOT how she looks, she looks much better than that! I know exactly how she feels!
I recently saw shots of me online that made me stop in my tracks and do a double-take. I truly thought I might hurl. I couldn't believe the body that was looking back at me. I guess sometimes it takes something like this to make you realize when you really must stop and reevaluate what you are doing to yourself...even if it is subconsciously.
In our minds eye, we all see ourselves looking as we want to look. We might take long evaluative glances at ourselves in the mirror sighing, but when we're out living our lives, we see ourselves as svelte and sassy--not rolled and flabby.
I must say, it is not easy to accept the reality that you've let yourself get way too big. Those who love you will argue with this and say you look great and to love yourself the way you are. And they are right, but it seems so impossible to do that really.
Kirstie Alley has a huge ad campaign currently for Jenny Craig where she touts, "Hey, I'm fat. Wanna go on a diet with me?" I applaud her bluntness and honesty. It takes real courage to use the word "fat" with yourself in the same sentence.
I guess I admire that she's been able to do that--look at herself and say, "hey, I'm fat and I need to fix that" without totally berating herself or minimizing all her other wonderful qualities. Why can't we as women do that? Why must we wrap so much of our self esteem into what we think we should weigh or look like?
I know that I'm a good person. I take good care of my kids. I am a very loyal friend. I'm very trusting and devoted to my marriage and family. And I have a decent sense of humor and manage to make those around me chuckle now and then. And yet, I spend many days beating myself up because my body does not reflect who I feel I am, when I look in the mirror.
I guess the wisdom I hope I gain with age is to learn to love myself whatever size and shape I am. To look in the mirror and see all those good qualities and smile, instead of sighing at my reflection because it isn't what I want to see.
posted by Crazy MomCat @ 11:58 PM
1 Comments:
I've decided that I could probably live the rest of my life without seeing another picture of myself. 9 times out of 10, I hate my pictures... even when others are like "Oh, I thought you looked good there," I usually think I looked like ass. SIGH
The worst part? I usually think I look darn good when I look in the mirror (at least, when I'm clothed!) So, I think I'd prefer to live with this misconception. (random thought: How will I ever deal with this if miracles happen, and I do get married someday?!?)
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