Eating My Words

So, I have been doing a lot of soul searching this month. Maybe the New Years' resolutions triggered it. But, I have thought a lot about where I am come in the past 5 years. You see, I feel like I'm almost a completely different person these days. And, I'm realizing that I'm also eating some of my words from a few years back.

We moved here from a much more conservative/yuppie-ish city. And, I got into the swing of things in Yuppie Town, quite nicely. I had a good job at a company full of young and single or newly married people. We had happy hours, social things, and there was lots of interoffice dating to keep the gossip mill humming. I had heard people were more superficial there, but it didn't bother me really. I found friends who were more like me. Still, it wasn't uncommon to hear women talking about their last tummy tuck or lipo procedure in aerobics class. I got a free copy of Plastic Surgery Today in my mail every month or so. It was something you got used to seeing there.

And then I got pregnant. I was so excited, as we'd been trying for awhile and I had been ready for several years. And my husband and I had planned for me to stay home. I was looking forward to the break, and was anxious to have more time on my hands to pursue hobbies and enjoy being a mommy.

Well, to get to my original point, after I had my son, I remember telling friends that I wasn't going to become one of those stay-at-home-moms who run around town looking all ragged and spent. No way was I going to quit wearing makeup and make sweats and a ponytail my normal "look." During Ryan's infant months, I still had lunches several times a week with my work cohorts, showing off the new baby. I was overwhelmed a bit, but never let on. I had this whole image thing in my mind.

You see, I was one of those women that I absolutely hate--a judger. I had this whole image in my head of moms who stay home and what they become. I don't know why or where that came from, but I admit now it was there.

Well, you guessed it--I am now the woman I swore I would never be. I have no idea why I made these claims or felt I needed to. I have never been a make-up whore--I wear the bare basics and I often used to wash it off the minute I got home from work. I've never been much of a clothes-horse either--that's my sister. I wear nice-looking clothes, but nothing too hip and edgy. (I think I'm saving the hip wardrobe for my massive weight loss success story or perhaps my midlife crises, whichever comes first.)

And now, I have the hindsight to realize some things. First off, what incentive DO I have to wear a lot of make-up and dress trendy right now? It doesn't even make sense. On most days, I'm running errands, hitting playgroups, making appointments, and cleaning house. None of these things require eye-liner and lip-gloss. Would it make sense to be crawling around my tile with a great pair of Manolo Blahniks on? Of course not!

When you are on one income a lot of things go--like manicures every few weeks, eating lunches out most days, and buying the latest in fashion. You trade these things for spit-up soaked shirt sleeves and chocolate fingerprints all on your pants--and you're happy to do it to see a little face smiling back at you with that same chocolate from ear-to-ear.

Now I know those women I saw, running about town looking bedraggled and worn out. Well, they were worn out. They were trying to survive getting errands done with a 2-year-old screaming or a 4-year-old who wanders off in busy department stores. They were just damn glad to be out of the house that day, and that they got a shower and hair brushed that morning.

Now, when I see one of these women, I think--ahh, my friend, do I know where you have been!