The Distance Between Us

Distance

Some hear that word and think of mileage, of space, of length of time. Distance can mean so many things depending on its context.

Today, on Valentine's Day, my husband and I have distance between us as well. He is away traveling for work, and I am here missing him. This is the first Valentine's in a very long time that we have been apart from one another, even though we don't usually do extravagant things for this holiday.

But, lately, the distance that has been more on my mind has nothing to do with mileage. After a year of difficult discussions and hard times, I am finally hopeful that the distance my husband and I have found between us is lessening.

To those who know us, this will come as a shock. We have been married for 15 years and I can honestly say my husband is my best friend. No one knows me better inside and out, and most likely no one ever will. We like the same things--the same movies, the same t.v. shows (well, mostly), and we have the same values. We can walk into a furniture store and both point to the same piece as our favorite without even knowing what the other one thinks. Sometimes it is downright uncanny how much alike we can be about things.

This is such a blessing for us...this closeness and similarity. It is what drew us together instantly when we met in college 18 years ago. But, ironically, we grew up in completely different atmospheres--me living in a small town to parents with little money and he in a suburb of Houston with parents who were financially savvy. He has 3 siblings, all significantly older than him. I have only one sister who is quite a bit younger than me.

But, the similarities were there just the same. We grew up in the same denomination of church. Our birthdays are exactly two weeks apart to the day (born the same year). We loved playing sports, loved our techno dance music, and loved to play jokes on one another. I loved the fact that he was as big of a smart ass as I was, and wasn't scared to show me that either. He wasn't fake and hated fake people, just as I do.

But, after 15 years of marriage and two kids, there are areas where we've grown apart. Things that I can't really explain here. Distances that have been put between us that cause me great worry at times. This year, we have had more differences than ever. How is it possible that this person that I can't imagine not having in my life every single day and I can have such disconnects? It is agonizing and difficult to imagine where the differences might lead us, especially when I realize that some of these problems are really not completely in either of our control.

This weekend, I was treated to a huge Valentine's surprise early. As I cuddled with my man that evening, he told me that he had not felt as close to me as he did that night in a very long time. Something inside me has some hope now. That our distance may just be a bump in the road and our lives will continue on the same path, but stronger than ever from having worked through things. The distance, it doesn't scare me as much now...