Monday, March 24, 2008

Don't worry--it's just a bad case of the late-30s... least, that's what I'm hoping that this is. Or maybe it is the day after spring break that has me all stirred up. Whatever the case, I can safely say something is going on with me. Have you ever felt like you're on the cusp of making huge changes in your way of life, your thinking, etc?

I can also safely say that I've freaked my husband out totally as well. Why? Well, in the course of a 10-15 minute conversation this morning (a conversation I spontaneously chose to have on a day when he's completely sick with some head cold/fever thing), I managed to say enough for him to calmly and kindly respond with, "I really don't understand where you are right now or what is going on with you."

Funny, but I feel the same way.

I am questioning everything right now. I think this all began when I quit my dream-job-turned-nightmare-from-hell last month. Maybe it was making that choice--taking hold of my life and relieving a huge burden and weight that had been on me for a year, that prompted my brain into this mode.

I am questioning everything from my beliefs to my laundry detergent. I mean, seriously. I am. Case in point--here's what has been whirling in my brain the past few days:
  • Should I be changing what we chose to clean our house with, make up my face with, let my kids play with, and wash in our hair? Am I damaging my family's health with the products I choose? (This is thanks to a book I'll be reviewing soon on this blog, so stay tuned.)
  • Who will be president? What if my vote was a mistake? What if it wasn't a mistake but it doesn't matter in the end? This, of course, goes along with and my continual waffle between liberal conservatism and conservative liberalism. (grin) Why are my political beliefs so different from my family's? Why do I feel embarrassed by the fact that they are so different at times?
  • Food allergies--could I have one? Could this be why I can't lose weight? What about my son and his allergies, mood swings, etc? Will he forgive me if I get him blood tested just so I know the answer and can stop obsessing about this, or should I just torture myself and have it done for myself first?
  • Why can I work out as hard as heck and pretty consistently 4-5 days a week and not make a dent in my midsection? Is it unhealthy of me to wish for some freak accident/medical condition that would require a massive tummy tuck/liposuction strictly to save my life, and not for purely vain reasons?
  • Why isn't Desperate Housewives back on? How cool is it that 30 Days on FX is coming back! Why is it not coming back until June?
  • Why does my one of my nephews make comments that make me worry that one day he's going to go all Columbine on someone? What makes him so strange and increasingly scary to me? Should I be saying something at this point or just avoiding him entirely and hoping for the best?
  • Why didn't Kristy Lee Cook get cut on Idol so that Amanda could live on to sing a Bonnie Raitt medley before she got cut? That's all I was holding out for with her.
  • Am I going to hell because I watch that very sadistic train-wreck of a show Moment of Truth?
  • Should I get rid of the maid and just suck it up and do this crap myself, and use that money to go back to my personal trainer and really change my life?
I somehow wonder if all of this questioning isn't some sign of great emotional immaturity--like I'm just now experiencing the rebellious college years, mentally speaking. Or, is this how it is when you get closer to 40? Will it all come to me when I hit that decade? For those of you who are older than me, please, let me know. Otherwise, I'm quite certain that I'm losing my mind!


Anonymous Angela said...

I think that leaving your job can certainly spark a whole lot of soul searching. I've already begun my own personal quarter life crisis version 2.0, and I haven't even finished my last day of work yet!

All I know for a fact is that Kristy Lee deserved to get cut before Amanda. After that? It's all a giant mystery!

1:35 PM, March 24, 2008  
Blogger Nicole said...

Hang in there MomCat! I think I may be going through something similar. I turn 35 this week and it's freaking me out more than 30 did. It's weird because it have lived such a baby/kid centered existance for the last 8 years and now that they're getting a little older I'm surprised to find out that a woman can still drastically change even in her 30's. For some reason I thought it would be a predictable ride from here on out ;-)

Just trust your gut instincts about your worries. You have gotten this far, right?

And I'll be happy to see that Kristie Lee Cook girl go, too. And Ramiel. And even the blondie...she's nuts for sure.

2:30 PM, March 24, 2008  
Blogger Carol said...

I'm 43 - so I guess that definitely qualifies as older than you. I go through the same kind of thinking at times. I, too, will be quitting a dream job turned hellish. I don't know what my future brings, but I do know that I am in one of the happiest periods of my life. I get to choose what's doesn't get much better.

5:10 PM, March 26, 2008  
Blogger kristi said...

Yeah, WHAT IS UP WITH DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES?? It seems last season was the same repeat over and over!

I am turning 35 soon and it doesn't bother me one bit.

2:54 PM, March 28, 2008  

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