Sunday, October 16, 2005

Life unfinished

Right now, I feel in pretty good spirits with things in my life, given what has gone on this year. But, there's one thing that seems a constant drain on me that I can't seem to overcome. That is, I never seem to finish anything.

I have a list of unfinished projects a mile long. For example:
  • Finish my daughter's cross-stitched Xmas stocking FOR DECEMBER (forgot about this until last week!)
  • Finish my daughter's 1-year baby scrapbook (she's 18 months...and will be 2 before I finish.)
  • Get caught up on all the other scrapbooks that I have dropped to do the daughter's one (son's preschool years one, family album from this year, daughter's toddler one...etc.)
  • Get started freelancing for magazines. This requires planning out the articles I want to write, querying magazines, waiting and hopefully getting accepted by just one, and then researching and writing the article.
  • Finish all the fix-up projects around our house
  • Finish cleaning my house. (I never's always a train wreck.)
  • Find paint and then paint the decorating nooks in my house.
  • Finish the damn laundry! (This sounds so simple, but it is never all done...sigh)
  • Finish reading and answering questions for my Bible study class in the morning (yikes!)
I honestly sometimes feel like I will never finish anything. This at-home mom thing is so hard. There isn't anything concrete you can say, yes...I finished that and it is great! Kids keep growing, you have good days and bad, and all the rest of the things you do in between raising the kids is just filler that never ends.

And, I have something to add to the never-ending list. That is, the fact that I must lose a significant amount of weight for my health. Diabetes, as I'm learning, is nothing to make light of and nothing to ignore. We learned in my education class last week that diabetes is the number one cause of foot amputations, blindness, and it is very high on the list of causes for heart attacks/heart disease. There are a whole slew of other minor conditions that sometimes result from diabetes too. I have already seen some changes going on physically as this condition takes over my body.

So, now I am faced with this list of unending projects, all the while I am supposed to map out my meals 5 times a day (3 meals and two snacks). I have to make sure I have no more than 2-3 units of carbs per meal and that they are a certain type of carbohydrates. Oh, and I also have to balance out proteins, fats, and veggies throughout the day. My gut reaction would be to just stop eating...or eat as little as I can possibly get by on. Only, I can't even do that because then my blood sugars drop and low blood sugar can be quite dangerous.

For someone who has spent most of their adult life obsessing about food and trying to lose weight, this has gotten very exhausting. I have nothing left to give to this project, yet this is the one that I MUST complete and I must complete it successfully. Isn't it ironic that the one project I want nothing to do with is the one that I must finish in order to live healthfully?

So, make me feel better here. What's on your list of unfinished projects?


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