Sunday, December 25, 2005

Christmas Epiphanies

The weekend has been insane with three days of Christmas merriment, and we still have 3 more days when we travel early next week to my parents for a late holiday. Basically, we will have Monday to recuperate, laundriate (new word, I like it), attempt to organize and put away too many toys, and pack up for an insanely long and boring drive.

So, I thought I'd post my Top Ten Christmas Epiphanies that I've already had during this build up to the Epiphany!

1. Christmas is like one long and painful act of torture for the newly diagnosed diabetic.

My grandmother was "the cookie-maker" in our family and her cookies were like no one else's. I have tried to duplicate them (before being diagnosed) and it is near impossible. But, my in-laws bring cookie-making to a new level. Their contributions may not be as much to my liking as my grandmother's, but they get an A for the quantity alone. The mountain of tupperware and Christmas tins all filled with those little clumps of heaven were like voices of angels calling to me during the day. "Oh just won't hurt your blood sugar. You've been SO GOOD lately. C'mon...It's CHRISTMAS!" Whoa. It was hard. Good thing my hubby lovingly tried to help me out by choosing beef jerky and trail mix for my stocking this year!

2. No one goes to church on Jesus's birthday.
OK, maybe this is just at MY church, but we discovered today that no one comes Christmas day. Mental note: when the church bulletin advertises 4 services for Christmas Eve (none of which we could attend), and only 1 for Christmas day AND they say there will not be a nursery, then don't expect a lot of people there to worship. Or at least people under the age of 70, that is.

ALSO, When the church bulletin says "no nursery available" don't think you can take your newly talkative toddler. The lovely Christmas hymns do NOT cover up her chatter. And, the 70-and-older elders that DO come to church Christmas day, obviously do NOT have grandchildren or great-grandchildren. They WILL shoot daggers at you with their eyes before your little angel even makes a peep. You will then find you and your husband tag-teaming letting the little one run laps on the outside sidewalks instead of praising the birth of Jesus.

3. Do NOT wait until 10:30 p.m. Christmas Eve to sit down and assemble your darling kids ho-ho gifts. And, don't ASSUME the rather large box that contains a kitchen for your toddler comes mostly assembled. You will be pulling out tiny pieces of plastic, all joined together. You WILL be having to cut out all pieces and snap together kitchen bits until almost 2 in the morning. Live and and learn...

4. Children who have already displayed emotional problems and an "intense" personality should not be allowed to play very intense adult board games with competitive relatives. This is a recipe for disaster for all who witness it. Enough said.

5. Six-year-olds are very keen in quick calculations of how many gifts they have received in comparison to their younger sibling. While you cannot control how many gifts family members give, be prepared to have to compensate for someone else's gushing on your dimpled toddler with said six-year-old later.

6. Realize that this comparison WILL ALWAYS go in between at least one of a pair of siblings no matter what you do. This becomes most obvious when you receive a photo from your younger sibling, showing her daughter perched beside a carefully stacked enormous mountain of toys. (A sad and obvious attempt to show off how much MORE Santa brought HER kid. Sigh..)

7. Neighborhood bullies are not even nice on Christmas Day. In fact, the sugar and rush of gift receiving might just make them act even nastier to your kid, if that is possible. Too bad Santa didn't bring us a sling-shot. I know someone who earned a nice "doggy-poo bomb" today!

8. Blogging friends who flood your email with well wishes for the holidays are just the coolest! Merry Christmas, y'all!

9. It is not possible to watch Madagascar without singing "I like to move it, move it...he likes to move it, move it..." for at least a week afterwards. (If you have seen this movie, you understand. And, yes, in our house we DO like to move it, move it!)

10. In an effort to purge yourself of future holiday guilt and scary blood sugar readings, it is NOT a good idea to go ahead and "down" that one Nutrageous your darling hubby gave you along with the jerky and trail mix. Even if you think you can now start fresh and chocolate-free tomorrow, you will be feeling like crap for the rest of the night. Ugh...

So, for now, that is all from this over-sugared and overly tired MomCat. I hope you and yours had a fabulous Christmas, holiday or whatever you celebrate with your friends and family. Peace to you and yours and a happy 2006!


Blogger margalit said...

As a diabetic myself, I cook and bake with Splenda. It's not exactly the same, but it's at least edible. What I do is bake a batach of all splenda cookies for me, and for my kids I use the half splenda half sugar mix. You can buy it in the grocery store. So even if I cheat (and I do) it's not THAT bad as compared to all sugar baked goods.

Michele sent me

11:36 PM, December 25, 2005  
Anonymous irene said...

HAHAHA fabulous post!

1:24 AM, December 26, 2005  
Blogger Karen Rani said...

What a great post - you had me laughing!!!!
Merry Christmas, Momcat!

9:47 AM, December 26, 2005  
Anonymous sarcastic journalist said...

Second on the church thing. We got to go to "hick church" out in the boonies. I'm not sure if nursery was available, didn't feel like having Miss E getting fleas or something.

Have fun and maybe, just maybe sneak one cookie?

10:44 PM, December 26, 2005  
Blogger Nancy said...

Just a tip:

When you get your diabetes under control, ie your average levels are around 110 or under for several months, it MIGHT be safe to have one (1) ONE small bite sized piece of chocolate candy, AFTER you've eaten a safe amount of protein.


After a while, it just gets to be too much trouble to cheat.

Then again, sometimes a girl just needs a bite of chocolate.

better a bite than a whole bar. If one of those tiny 'snack' sized bar's'll do ya, it's an alternative to a pig out and a sugar headache.

I'm feeling your pain. Really.

Diabetes sucks.

11:17 PM, December 26, 2005  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I love your TEN! Funny and also difficult..Having Diabetes through these Holidays is a real test of something or other!!! Very Hard! I don't envy you and I have dieted so much of my life I know that feeling of..just one piece won't you said....

Still, it sounds like it was a GOOD Christmas...aside from those ten things!(lol)....

I'm here from Michele tonight and glad to be visiting you...!

11:35 PM, December 26, 2005  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Michele just whisked me backhere once again! Happy to be here, I may say! We are just following each other around aren't we? (lol)

12:22 AM, December 27, 2005  
Blogger craziequeen said...

Number 9 - absolutely! cyberkitten and I were singing along to that for about a month after seeing it....

and Momcat? I'd like to that you sincerely for putting it *back* in my head.......

Here via Michele's
[I like to move it, move it...da da da]

4:08 AM, December 27, 2005  
Blogger Vanessa said...

Okay, that is just too coincidental, our number fives, I mean. I guess all kids are the same, no matter where they live!

Regarding your number 2, I noticed that all the churches around here cut their Sunday services down to one on Christmas.

Great post, Momcat!

6:54 AM, December 27, 2005  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Totally agree about the movie song and it pisses me off every time.

We went to church Christmas eve and I felt churched up for the next 24 hours at least so no need to go back the next morning.

Bummer about the no sweets. Oh well, you are probably all skinny from not eating them. I just started South Beach diet (again!) yesterday.

7:29 AM, December 27, 2005  
Anonymous Theresa said...

I hear you on #5 and 6. Hope you have fun at your parents!!

9:07 AM, December 27, 2005  
Anonymous Sentimental (Shannon) said...

Okay I am totally loving all of those. They are awesome. Great write chickie!

11:24 AM, December 27, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope you had a very Merry Christmas! I just found your blog this afternoon but I'm loving it. :)


1:57 PM, December 27, 2005  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

Awesome post, Steph!! I'm laughing about taking your daughter to the Christmas service. We had no nursery either, and my baby decided she LOVED "Oh Holy Night." Whenever the singer hit a high note, she'd "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" aloud at the top of her lungs, chin up, eyes closed, in rapture.
Luckily, the mikes were turned wayyy up, so her singing was only noted by those in the immediate vicinity. We could NOT stop laughing!

Merry Christmas! Good luck traveling. And then- Get some rest, if you can!!

2:42 PM, December 27, 2005  
Blogger Masked Mom said...

Glad to hear you made it through round 1 and hope the ride is not too, too insanely boring...

3:31 PM, December 27, 2005  
Blogger Tyra said...

Great list! Hope you get through the rest of your holiday!

9:27 AM, December 29, 2005  
Blogger christina said...

Great list. I especially like #4, #5 and #6. Although the latter two shouldn't apply to sisters-in-law who are in their 30s, should they?? Hmm. Shucks.

Glad you're surviving your whirlwind holiday. It's always sooo hard for my husband too to fend off the torrent of cookies. My solution? Drag him out for a run whether he likes it or not.

Happy New Year to you!!

11:34 AM, December 30, 2005  

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