Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Peaks and valleys, peaks and valleys

I think the best way to describe my life right now has to be to say it's been a whirlwind of peaks and valleys, emotionally speaking. And, reading this blog daily, it must be easy to see that as well. The phase my son is going through and the difficulties at home, have brought us to a near stand-still at times as a family. And, then magically, we will have a wonderful day that makes us all feel connected and together again. I have yet to understand why this is going on, but I am striving to get some more balance for us these days, yet I do not know how to achieve it.

For example, after a very long week last week, we had several great nights in a row of family time, including playing games one night and strolling around the beautiful holiday lights and displays in downtown the next. The day after that was probably the most difficult one we have had with our son to date, leaving us all in tears and trying to figure out what is going on. So, you see the pattern we have these past few months--a few really bad days, one great day, a couple rotten ones, then a good few days. Too often in the tense moments, my hubby and I argue with one another over what to do and lose our balance, forgetting the team we should be in all of this. Last night, we reminded each other of that and its importance.

And, then there was today, which seemed to be a mix of all of the above. Fortunately, the good moments seemed to overshadow a couple of really bad timeouts given. I am trying to focus on positivity and not allowing bad behavior to push me to the point of losing my temper or my cool with my son. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, emotionally-speaking, but I know I will be a better person if I achieve this.

After a week of trying to get him to participate in some positive incentives to get him to do chores, my son finally took the bait today and did several of them happily. Between the hard moments, we made cookies, we played basketball, and we made gigantic bubbles in the driveway with his big bubble sword. And, oh...we laughed. And, as we laughed, we shared moments where we locked eyes--something I haven't gotten as often these days from my dear boy.

And, I realized that this is what really counts. These moments of drawing chalk outlines of cars on the pavement and seconds where I will look out my kitchen window and see my son chasing the dog and squealing in delight when she plays the game with him. If I could erase all the bad times, I would in a second. Yet, I know that I cannot. The only real choice is to give importance to every good little moment you have as a parent, in the midst of all the phases and trials thrown your way. And, to remember how blessed you truly are to even have the phases to work through, because each one makes you learn a new lesson and tests your heart in a different way.


Blogger margalit said...

I don't know how old your son is, but it sounds like he's going through a phase of testing you to see how far he can get with bad behavior. I've been there and done that a million times by now. My kids take turns being the bad guy. Sometimes my son acts up and other times it's my daughter. But it's never smooth sailing. Right now every exchange with my daughter is a confrontation and she's a prime bitch much of the time. Being a teen and consistantly pms-ing, it's a real joy.

Michele sent me.

12:49 AM, December 22, 2005  
Blogger Dak-Ind said...

if it makes you feel any better, you are not alone in the ups and downs. with a teenage son, an ex husband, a new younger inexperienced husband, a crazy mother in law, and evil ex mother in law whos trying to redeem herself before she dies and goes to HELL, and an infant... wow do we have good days and bad. you arent alone. and blogging is a good way to get out some of those tougher day frustrations. good luck, merry christmas. love from michele, too!

12:50 AM, December 22, 2005  
Blogger Vanessa said...

The love you have for your son is what is getting you through this awful time, and your son, also. You are an amazing, insightful mom. As we say in the South, "Bless your heart!"

6:48 AM, December 22, 2005  
Blogger Tyra said...

I have a very similiar relationship with my oldest child. She has been my most challenging by far and there were many days that I was clueless as to how to deal with her. I can tell you it's better now that she is 12, we relate easier but we have our days because she can have quite a smart mouth. So, the ups and downs are completely part of being parents, you learn from the downs and celebrate the ups.

Take care!

8:22 AM, December 22, 2005  
Anonymous Theresa said...

So true...I have issues with my 14 year old, and I try to focus on the good stuff.

10:13 AM, December 22, 2005  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

To reiterate what I said in the last post-comment, I'm here for you. Please don't hold it all in if you don't want to, Steph.
Sometimes it feels really good to let it out.

10:44 PM, December 22, 2005  

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