Fat and Thin Extremes

We've all seen the news programs and stories on how difficult life can be for an overweight person in America today. The pretty model on an entertainment show, dresses up in a fat suit and is brought to tears because she's glared at or treated differently than when she is her usual gorgeous-looking self.

As someone who has been a little overweight most of my adult life, I can understand and sympathize with people who struggle with weight and the labels/treatment that goes with that. There are racists in the world, and, by the same token, there are also "fatists" who persecute anyone who is overweight. I have a dear friend whose ex-husband was really awful about this. She had another close friend who was obese and her husband rudely berated the woman as "fat and lazy" whenever he got the chance. My friend was horrified and hated his attitude and treatment of overweight people. Ironically, her husband began to gain quite a bit of weight near the end of their marriage, yet he still fat-bashed quite often, unable to see that someone looking at him with that attitude might be saying the very same things.

Now, while there is an extreme "fatist" attitude out there labeling a really big part of our population, there is the opposite extreme as well--the "thin haters." In my experience, these are usually people who are overweight themselves and either resent or feel anger towards thin people.

I have struggled for years to lose the weight I should. I must admit, I have moments of jealousy of someone who is at their ideal weight and can go out and eat as they please without any repercussions. Part of this year of change for me has been about accepting the fact that because of the genes I was born with, I will never be able to do that. I will always have to eat very healthy and workout diligently to maintain a weight. I have to cut back even more to lose it.

A good friend of mine, who works out more than most anyone I know, finally got frustrated that she was not toning and losing in the areas she wanted to lose (she's very trim everywhere else) and so she joined Weight Watchers. After talking with her, I felt genuinely embarrassed and sorry for the treatment she received by the other ladies in the program and even by the instructor. You see, when she walked in the door, she was already at her goal weight. A part of me felt very envious of that. Later, I learned that she was seriously questioned and treated as if she had an eating disorder for wanting to join a program to learn more what kind of foods she should eat to help her lose weight where she needed it and be the most fit person she can be.

At group function years ago, one of my friends who happened to be very trim commented on how cold our meeting room was. An overweight friend of ours suddenly loudly blurted out, "That's because your THIN! Skinny people are ALWAYS cold!" in a very annoyed tone. I remember the look on my thin friend's face at the time and how I could tell this struck a nerve with her. Imagine my surprise, when months later she confided in me that she'd had a serious battle with bulimia most of her young adult life and she had finally gotten it in control. Imagine to struggle with food like that, finally heal and get yourself to a healthier weight, and then find yourself negatively labeled because you are thin.

And, then I met "Kristie." Kristie attends my Weight Watchers meetings. She's a very large girl, all the way around--big boned, very tall, larger head and features with a big jovial personality. She has lost a huge amount of weight with the program and is a very big fan of our leader, more so than myself actually! I would often sit next to Kristie and another girl who I'd met in kickboxing class when I came to the meetings.

But, I started to get the feeling that Kristie did not like me there. Anytime I would ask a question, I'd get a short response back out of her. Or, if I'd make a point in discussion, I could always count on her to counter that point or play the devil's advocate. It was strange to me, because I wasn't aware that I'd ever offended this girl and she was openly argumentative with me.

My weight loss journey has been a very slow one. I've now hit 12 pounds in 14 weeks. That's less than a pound a week. But, it is still coming off slowly, so I haven't given up and I won't give up. Kristie does not know what my goal weight is, or that I still need to lose a great deal more. She also does not know why I am there to lose--to help my health and hopefully get off of diabetes medications if possible. But, she definitely formed an opinion of me quite quickly based on her opinion of what is fat and what is not.

One day, as I sat down after weighing in and finally losing more than just my usual .8 of a pound, I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. I had finally reached my 10 pound mark.

Finally! I said. I have been stuck hovering at 8 1/2 pounds for three weeks--finally I lost some weight!

Those around me smiled kindly, recognizing how it feels to finally get out of a plateau. Not Kristie. She scowled and then looked to the girl on the other side of her and quite loudly muttered:

You know, all of these PEOPLE who are right at their goal and stuff just make it SO HARD for some of us who have so far to go.

My mouth dropped. For one thing, I am still quite far from my goal. But, as someone who looks at herself in the mirror and sees progress but still weight to lose, I was amazed that she was dissing me for being too thin for Weight Watchers! This group was about supporting one another, wasn't it? Does it matter if you need to lose 100 or 20 pounds? What about those success stories who sit amongst us as lifetime members who give inspiration to us each week? Suddenly, I realized that Kristie was a "thin-basher," and she'd been so argumentative with me because she didn't think I needed to be there as much as she did. Therefore, I didn't deserve to feel supported as she did.

That same meeting, I got an emergency phone call more than halfway into the discussion and had to duck out of the meeting briefly. I left my purse and all my materials under my chair and quickly ran out so as not to disturb. When I walked back in less than a minute later, I saw a new person sitting in my seat. Apparently, someone had come in late and thought the seat was open.

Kristie and her friend had devilish smiles on their faces when walked back to my chair. About the same time, the woman realized what had happened and popped up apologizing and said,

Oh, sorry! No one said someone was sitting there!

Kristie then giggled and half-heartedly said,

Oh, yeah...SORRY! I thought you'd left or something.

Why is it that women seem to really have a problem with relating to anyone who does not fit our definition or label of fat or thin? We either hate someone because they are "lazy and fat," or we hate them because they aren't (or we think they are not). In truth, we all have our ideal weight for physical fitness and well being. And, that just can't be the same for everyone. I have always weight a considerable amount more than I look like I weigh, thanks to my bone structure. But, honestly, that should not matter. My friend who is at her goal weight is trying so hard to learn to have a healthy lifestyle that will give her a longer and more happy life. Isn't that admirable? When did it become OK to negate someone based solely on your impressions of their appearance?

Just as in political debates, I find myself in the same middle-of-the road position on the fat vs. thin issue. Fat girls, thin girls, or in-between girls...can't we all just GET ALONG?