Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Reflections from the Crop...

I was all set to write about something big I noticed on my beach crop, about other people's eating habits. I was going to tell you how I actually felt proud of myself because I kept it in check all weekend. And, that wasn't easy, let me tell you.

What is a newly diagnosed diabetic's worst nightmare? Walking into a beachhouse for a weekend of scrapbooking to find a kitchen table FILLED with every kind of chocolate candy imaginable and carb-laden snacks out the wazoo. My friend took one look at the table, and then one look at me and said, "oh no...I'm so sorry."

The other aggravating part of this was the money used to buy all the crap that I can't eat? Yeah, I pitched in $15 for that. So, most of the weekend I was an observer to the consumption of this stuff that I shouldn't really have anymore.

So, I was going to write about how when you find yourself amongst some people who eat really poorly and are overweight (my friend was excluded from this), you can recognize how far you have come. You see that you may get the munchies, but you choose to pick sugar-free pudding or low-fat popcorn in those times, and not a huge bag of peanut M&Ms or several servings of chips and cake.

I really loved the people I scrapped with this weekend, don't get me wrong. They were warm and friendly to me right off the bat. And, really, the food was the only issue for me. And, in a way, this was a good thing--for me to see some people who had worse weight problems than my own who were not trying to diet and the difference in how they eat from how I eat.

So, I kept it in check all weekend. I had one night of munchies, but I still kept it to some lowfat popcorn and later (we were up until 2 that morning!) some whole wheat crackers with lowfat cheese and herb spread. And, when I left, even my carpooling buddy commented that she had noticed I hadn't dipped in the forbidden fruit (read chocolate) all weekend.

Arriving home with many new pages done, my daughter's scrapbook just about complete, I felt really proud of what I'd accomplished. But, I felt even more proud of myself for the changes I've made over the past year or two about eating.

And, then I stepped on the scale two days later. And, yeah, I saw I'd gained several pounds back from the original 12 I'd lost. And, it all came rushing back...the feelings of frustration, lack of control, hopelessness. The clothes starting to feel snug again, when they'd been actually loose.

And, so I dedicated myself to working out hard and tried to eat better. And, then I stepped on the scale again this morning. And, it was up a pound again. WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE?

I remember what my Weight Watchers instructor said about it taking a couple of weeks for the weight to show up, as well as a few for it to come off. And, I looked in the mirror and vowed that I wouldn't gain it all back. I will lose and keep losing this time. Because, my health is too important to ride on this roller coaster anymore. So, I just refuse to get on it ever again.


Blogger Babaloo said...

I am a fellow rider on that roller coaster you mentioned. However, let me just say how awesome I think it is that you didn't gorge all weekend on all that tempting food! While I am doing well in my personal health/weight battle, I was imagining if I was there with your group how I would have totally been "what the hell," and indulged in the "forbidden fruit."
So, please know that (to me) was a total victory for you, no matter what the scale says. Keep up the good work!

2:25 PM, June 28, 2006  
Blogger speckledpup said...

what a fabulous post.

found you through Shelli.

I'll be back
The Pup.

4:25 PM, June 28, 2006  
Blogger Vanessa said...

You had a difficult time, I know; I'm in the same position and realize how frustrating it is to eat reasonably "good" and not lose any weight one week. I've done Weight Watchers a dozen times! Anyway, you should be proud of yourself for resisting all the temptation over the weekend. Good for you!! (I also think that the person buying the food for one of those cropping weekends should ask all of you what types of food you want. You got ripped off.)

5:36 PM, June 28, 2006  
Blogger Carol said...

Same boat, different lake. I, too, have tried eating healthier the last few years. I know that it is "good" for me, but I have similar I've been on WW for 15 weeks and lost all my weight in the first four. Yes. No weight lost in the last 8 weeks.

What I've decided to do is stop weighing myself. It's a bold move, but someone has to do it. I'm so tired of the number being so devastating to my psyche. If it's not where I want it, it will affect my mood for hours or even the whole day. That isn't fair to anyone around me, but most importantly ME.

I went to a nutritionist and she told me that until I gain a healthier relationship with food, I will never stop the yo-yo-ing. Easier said than done. Same said for exercise. If I continue to really only consistantly workout when I'm dieting, I will never embrace it as a lifestyle choice.

Good luck with all of this. I wish we lived near each other. I would love to have someone to talk about this with. My husband can't really tolerate it anymore.

8:10 AM, June 29, 2006  
Blogger kenju said...

I don't know how diabetics do it.
Having been skinny as a rail for the first 39 years of my life, I was not used to denying myself anything. I could eat a whole cake and never gain an ounce. Then I quit smoking, and all bets were off. I still have not learned how to deny any food I really like. Thank God I am not diabetic; they'd have to lock me in a room all the time.

2:53 PM, June 29, 2006  
Blogger MommaK said...

Great post indeed. It's tough being ont hat roller coaster. I'm dealing with the prevacation fear of finding a bathing suit. Ugh. I may shoot myself.

4:28 PM, June 29, 2006  

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