Guess who's coming to dinner?

The Crazy MomCat household is in a bit of a tizzy right now. We volunteered to host a family game night for our church. And, well, it is tomorrow night. Only a handful of families are coming because of summer vacations and conflicts, so it isn't a big deal really. Except, one of the families attending will be our new minister, his wife, and their three boys. We had not counted on this.

My son gets along wonderfully with the middle son and they seem like great people. I've met them and like them so far, and we're all around the same age. But, I'm really panicked that a MINISTER is going to be in my house. Is that totally weird? It isn't like we're burning crosses in our backyard or making any cult sacrifices. At least not THIS month, anyway!

And, I keep having really bizarre random thoughts, such as:

• Will the minister be sizing up our house and then looking at our church donations for the year? Uh...let's hope not.



• Will he discretely be scanning my bookshelves and praying for me over some of my especially smutty paperback reads from college?



• Our minister is very scholarly and smart. He knows more about biblical history than most anyone I have been around--will he be testing me on some of this while I'm serving my appetizers?



• Will his ministerial radar pick up on the fact that I've got this horrid habit of taking the Lord's name in vain when bad things happen around here? (Blame my father for this. I got it from him, ___ damn it.)



• What if no one else shows up and we're left to make small talk with the Father? What will I say? Will I feel forced to talk religion? Or would he hate that because everyone talks religion to him all day long?



• I'm assuming it isn't appropriate to pull out the poker games for a church family game night, is it? Think a round of "Screw Your Neighbor" would loosen up the crowd? How about a rousing round of "Bullshit?"



• And, speaking of rounds, how about one or two rounds of "buttery nipple" shots for the crowd? I mean, our denomination isn't called "Catholic light" for nothin', right? Maybe we can get that old college game of quarters going and really liven the party up! I wonder if the Father can roll a shiny coin off his beaker as good as my husband could in the day?



• I mean, what else COULD we do to break the tension? Do you think a minister watches Lost? How about Sex and the City reruns? I wonder what he thinks about Mr. Big and Carrie winding up together?

So, I'm frantically repeating the saying "cleanliness is next to Godliness" as I dust and scrub and vacuum tonight. Because I have no idea what to expect tomorrow come sundown. Something tells me I am being a total "spastic nerdfag" (great 80s movie reference) about this whole thing. But, hey, it isn't every day a man of the cloth comes to play Parcheesi at your kitchen table. Right? Right? (I don't own Parcheesi and have never played, but I just like saying that word--Parcheesi.)

So, cut me some slack, OK? And, please, Lord...let me not break a plate or something and drop an f-bomb while the holy ones look on!