Tuesday, July 11, 2006

It was SO NOT fine and dandy...

The day started out fine and dandy. Lovely, actually. My kids got up early and we all got ready as my husband headed to his first day at a new job. We made it to the library early for storytime with enough time to shop for our books for the week, check those out, and get in line for the storytime just before they let the kids in.

I took my son to toddler storytime this morning, instead of letting him play on the computers in the adjacent area of the library. I had expected the kid to groan the entire time. But, in a surprise development, he jumped up and "shook his sillies" out with the Wiggles song and laughed sincerely at every funny book part read. He seemed to enjoy it more than my two-year-old, who was more concerned with where her goldfish crackers were and who else was sitting around us. When we left, he announced, "I think I'll come again next week with you, Mom. I know I was the only big kid, but I don't care." What a sweetheart.

We went home, I got two loads of laundry in and doing a bit of cleaning while the kids played. Later, we headed to the pool to meet friends for a swim and lunch after.

Again, it was all fine and dandy...

Until, it was...well...fine and DOODY.

That's right, folks. We had a Caddyshack moment at our pool today. And, just because I have this dark side that enjoys grossing out other human beings (leftover from my elementary school cafeteria days, I suppose), I have to share how it all went down.

(All the lifeguard whistles go off simultaneously, long before their designated 10 minute break time on the hour.)

A pear-shaped mom in a tankini with rather tall hair frantically shouts,
"Jessica! JES-SI-CA! GET OUT of that water NOW! NOW, I SAID!"
As I look around, I notice my son and daughter are both safely out of the water up on the fountain area. I see my friend's son standing by lifeguards who are peering into the bottom of the pool while he points.

Someone from a crowd of moms nearby mutters,

"Oh, man. Did someone poop in the pool again?"
(giggles)

A lifeguard dawns plastic gloves rather officially as his sidekick hands him a very long-handled net.

Gasps and gags go out across the pool's outer limits and a quiet silence falls over the crowd as the lifeguard dives in. When he reappears from the pool depths with net in hand containing a rather large dark object, a ripple of gasps break the silence.

My friend's son marches up to us and proudly exclaims,
"Guess what? I found the poop, Mom! I told the lifeguard!"
My friend grilled him seriously as we held back our giggles.
"Ewwww! You didn't touch it did you? Did you TOUCH IT?"

A lanky Texas-born mom-acquaintance of mine looks at my friend and I and declares in her best drawl,
"That's not baby poop, girls. That's WAY too big to come from a baby's butt. Noooo, that's some MAN-SIZED poop."

"Sounds like the perfect time for...LUNCHTIME!"
I snarkily announce in-between gags and as I begin packing up our stuff.

"Noo......Macy, noooo!"

My friend shrieks as her other child dives right back into the pool in the area formerly located by feces, assuming that since the poop was removed they could swim again.

"MACY, GET OUT OF THE POOL! Well, I'm glad I have a lot of anti-bacterial hand wash in the car. We'll be making use of that!"

As we started to leave, I began to feel claustrophobic and I pick up speed when I spy a lifeguard rapidly approaching us with the semi-dissolved "not-a-Baby-Ruth-in-a-baggie." Nearing the parking lot, my friend snickers and points back to the pool area. Looking back, we notice the entire pool has cleared completely. Not a single soul is willing to go back in or even sit on their towels out of the pool. Parents are in a near run to their cars jerking their kids hands along with serious determination.

And, what of the lifeguards? Well, they all have huge smiles on their faces...obviously deducing that they have the day off.

Makes you wonder, what DUDE really left that "doody" doesn't it?

8 Comments:

Blogger LadyBugCrossing said...

Eeeeewwww!
That happened to us at swim team one day. The kids had been swimming for about a half hour when one of them said to the coach, "hey, coach... I don't think that's a hairball down there..."
I thought she might hurl, but she didn't. She got everyone out. Got a really long net and scooped it out. Then she sent us all home as she went for the giant tub of chlorine...

7:06 AM, July 12, 2006  
Blogger Grandma K said...

It certainly does make you think doesn't it! A "Doody Day Off"

7:47 AM, July 12, 2006  
Blogger Shelli said...

That is disgusting. They actually just had something on the local news show about people getting sick from swimming in the public pools for exactly that reason. They said to minimize your risk, shower right before and right after you swim.

This has been your public service announcement. lol Aren't you glad I am here today?! lol

10:24 AM, July 12, 2006  
Blogger Crazy MomCat said...

I was making fun, but truly it IS sick and it makes me queasy to think about it. In fact, it is enough to make me really consider putting in a pool like 95% of our neighborhood has. UGH!

11:10 AM, July 12, 2006  
Blogger Babs said...

You know what's especially gross? I remember how much pool water that I accidentally drank as a kid! Blech!

12:47 PM, July 12, 2006  
Blogger Masked Mom said...

Eww, eww, eww, eww, eww.

And, ewww.

3:29 PM, July 12, 2006  
Blogger Lisa said...

I am laughing my ass off! What a story!!

That pool needs to be shocked, backwashed, and chlorinated - stat!

6:04 PM, July 13, 2006  
Anonymous punx said...

u need 2 call tha health dept n report it if they didnt drain that pool ....think hepetitis

11:01 PM, August 09, 2006  

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