How NOT To Make a Quiche
On Tuesday, my grandparents from Florida stopped by to visit us for a few hours. They were making their yearly summer drive from Florida to California to escape some of the heat where they live and to visit family. It was wonderful of them to stop by and meet my 1-year-old and visit with my son, as I don't see them very often at all.
But, to be honest, there is always a certain level of nervousness and tension when I see this side of my family. Mainly, because I don't know them very well and there has been tension between my Dad and his family for many reasons that I won't go into here today. So, I was uptight. My husband wasn't going to be able to get off work to be there, so it would be me and the kids. My daughter has had runny diapers for almost two weeks now (teething). And, the son's going through a lovely back-talking/arguing phase, which isn't pretty but I know will soon pass. I was exhausted from the previous few days before they even got here.
So, while I was at my monthly meal assembly on Sunday, I saw that they had all the ingredients pre-packaged for this green chili and cheese quiche that sounded wonderful. It sounded perfect to have when my grandparents were here, since they'd arrive early and only stay through the late morning. So, I paid extra to get the quiche, mainly to ease my stress and eliminate a last minute grocery scramble the night before. (For those who don't know me personally, I have stress issues...bad ones...just talk to my hubby!)
So, Sunday night, I put the package of pre-assembled ingredients in my refrigerator, ready to go for Tuesday morning. I didn't look at it again, that I remember. I stayed up late cleaning and then get up at 6 a.m. when my husband left for work, ready to assemble and bake my quiche and get ready for their very early (8:30 a.m.!) visit.
Disclaimer: My baked quiche did NOT look anything like this one!!!
I opened the refrigerator to find a vast empty spot where the bag once was. I quickly ran to the refrigerator in my garage, where I keep the "overflow" and extra drinks for the kids. Nada.
At this point , I start to freak out. Already knowing what I'd find, I opened the door to my freezer and there she was--waiting for me all frozen and glistening in pure solidness. I SWEAR I didn't remember putting it back in the freezer. Why was it in the freezer? How in the WORLD can I cook and serve a quiche that morning if it was frozen solid?
My kids were sleeping and I didn't have time to go somewhere and get something, since my husband had already left for work. I had nothing else to make really that would finish before they got there that could be easily reheated. I really wanted to avoid going to eat somewhere, because of the whole awkwardness with the check issue (they always want to pay) and having two kids to contend with at a restaurant without my hubby is never fun.
Sometimes I feel like I subconsciously sabotage myself in these situations. This isn't the first time for something like this. Earlier this year, I made two huge lasagnas for a family gathering and then left them out to cool. Only, I was so exhausted, I forgot to put them in the refrigerator before going to bed. They sat out ALL night...getting rancid. I was up at 7 a.m., crying and begging my husband to rush to the store for ingredients and trying to remake two lasagnas all over again that day! Insanity, it is sheer insanity, I tell you!
So, what do I do? Check it out:
1. Discover fully frozen quiche ingredients and cuss a WHOLE LOT. (It's OK. The kids were sleeping. No serious trauma from exposure to mom's sailor-like profanity THIS time!)
2. Attempt to defrost certain portions of quiche, starting with the pie crust.
3. Get side-tracked with something and realize pie crust has been defrosting too long. Rush to take it out and discover the nicely rolled crust has become a warm and squishy dough log, unrollable in any way. Cuss some more.
4. Decide to just press out the dough in the pie pan. Start green chilies and cheese bags defrosting in microwave.
5. Dough doesn't spread or cover the edges of pie pan without tearing. Realize green chilies are practically boiling in the microwave.
6. Pull chilies out, burning fingers, and fling them across the counter. Find frozen egg mix bag and put it in to defrost. (Will I EVER learn?)
7. Finally, get crust somewhat evened out although it looks quite "rustic" at this point. Realize the cheese is still defrosting in the damn microwave.
8. Rip the cheese out, half melted, and keep the egg bag going. Attempt second step of quiche assembly, sprinkling cheese on pie crust.
9. Cheese is too melted to sprinkle at this point. Mash down oily cheddar globs into the crust and try to smash it into an even layer.
10. Pull eggs out after noticing leaking bag and realizing that they can't keep defrosting or it will bake the eggs and quiche will never come to fruition.
11. Pour egg mix, which now resembles an "egg slushy" into pie crust. Miss crust some and pour about 1/4 cup on counter. Damnation!
12. Bring out the big cuss words at missing the recipe step of lining the green chilies at the bottom of the quiche before pouring in the egg.
13. Attempt to drown chilies, by pushing them under egg mixture to the bottom, as they continue to float back to the top. Continue for several minutes with no luck. Chilies float, did you know that? Call the Coast Guard!
14. Top the strange mix with bacon and more cheese and throw it in the oven, glad to be done with it.
15. Bake quiche and let cool. It looks somewhat normal but I'm still frightened at "what lies beneath."
16. Visit with grandparents and then put quiche in to warm to serve in a few minutes before they have to leave.
17. Pull quiche out of oven. Realize that the "egg slushy" is working against you. Quiche is still watery in the middle and not cooked at all.
18. Try to bake it longer, muttering to grandparents about this being "a first-time recipe." Try to ignore their exchanged glances of concern and looks at their watch.
19. After 10 minutes, pull the quiche out and just decide to give it a go.
20. Make a huge spinach salad with strawberries, just in case quiche is inedible.
Surprisingly, after such a fiasco, the quiche was really quite GOOD! I was shocked and I think the big guy up there was definitely looking down on me for this one!!! Still, next time I think I'll take them down to I-HOP and be done with it!
But, to be honest, there is always a certain level of nervousness and tension when I see this side of my family. Mainly, because I don't know them very well and there has been tension between my Dad and his family for many reasons that I won't go into here today. So, I was uptight. My husband wasn't going to be able to get off work to be there, so it would be me and the kids. My daughter has had runny diapers for almost two weeks now (teething). And, the son's going through a lovely back-talking/arguing phase, which isn't pretty but I know will soon pass. I was exhausted from the previous few days before they even got here.
So, while I was at my monthly meal assembly on Sunday, I saw that they had all the ingredients pre-packaged for this green chili and cheese quiche that sounded wonderful. It sounded perfect to have when my grandparents were here, since they'd arrive early and only stay through the late morning. So, I paid extra to get the quiche, mainly to ease my stress and eliminate a last minute grocery scramble the night before. (For those who don't know me personally, I have stress issues...bad ones...just talk to my hubby!)
So, Sunday night, I put the package of pre-assembled ingredients in my refrigerator, ready to go for Tuesday morning. I didn't look at it again, that I remember. I stayed up late cleaning and then get up at 6 a.m. when my husband left for work, ready to assemble and bake my quiche and get ready for their very early (8:30 a.m.!) visit.
Disclaimer: My baked quiche did NOT look anything like this one!!!
I opened the refrigerator to find a vast empty spot where the bag once was. I quickly ran to the refrigerator in my garage, where I keep the "overflow" and extra drinks for the kids. Nada.
At this point , I start to freak out. Already knowing what I'd find, I opened the door to my freezer and there she was--waiting for me all frozen and glistening in pure solidness. I SWEAR I didn't remember putting it back in the freezer. Why was it in the freezer? How in the WORLD can I cook and serve a quiche that morning if it was frozen solid?
My kids were sleeping and I didn't have time to go somewhere and get something, since my husband had already left for work. I had nothing else to make really that would finish before they got there that could be easily reheated. I really wanted to avoid going to eat somewhere, because of the whole awkwardness with the check issue (they always want to pay) and having two kids to contend with at a restaurant without my hubby is never fun.
Sometimes I feel like I subconsciously sabotage myself in these situations. This isn't the first time for something like this. Earlier this year, I made two huge lasagnas for a family gathering and then left them out to cool. Only, I was so exhausted, I forgot to put them in the refrigerator before going to bed. They sat out ALL night...getting rancid. I was up at 7 a.m., crying and begging my husband to rush to the store for ingredients and trying to remake two lasagnas all over again that day! Insanity, it is sheer insanity, I tell you!
So, what do I do? Check it out:
1. Discover fully frozen quiche ingredients and cuss a WHOLE LOT. (It's OK. The kids were sleeping. No serious trauma from exposure to mom's sailor-like profanity THIS time!)
2. Attempt to defrost certain portions of quiche, starting with the pie crust.
3. Get side-tracked with something and realize pie crust has been defrosting too long. Rush to take it out and discover the nicely rolled crust has become a warm and squishy dough log, unrollable in any way. Cuss some more.
4. Decide to just press out the dough in the pie pan. Start green chilies and cheese bags defrosting in microwave.
5. Dough doesn't spread or cover the edges of pie pan without tearing. Realize green chilies are practically boiling in the microwave.
6. Pull chilies out, burning fingers, and fling them across the counter. Find frozen egg mix bag and put it in to defrost. (Will I EVER learn?)
7. Finally, get crust somewhat evened out although it looks quite "rustic" at this point. Realize the cheese is still defrosting in the damn microwave.
8. Rip the cheese out, half melted, and keep the egg bag going. Attempt second step of quiche assembly, sprinkling cheese on pie crust.
9. Cheese is too melted to sprinkle at this point. Mash down oily cheddar globs into the crust and try to smash it into an even layer.
10. Pull eggs out after noticing leaking bag and realizing that they can't keep defrosting or it will bake the eggs and quiche will never come to fruition.
11. Pour egg mix, which now resembles an "egg slushy" into pie crust. Miss crust some and pour about 1/4 cup on counter. Damnation!
12. Bring out the big cuss words at missing the recipe step of lining the green chilies at the bottom of the quiche before pouring in the egg.
13. Attempt to drown chilies, by pushing them under egg mixture to the bottom, as they continue to float back to the top. Continue for several minutes with no luck. Chilies float, did you know that? Call the Coast Guard!
14. Top the strange mix with bacon and more cheese and throw it in the oven, glad to be done with it.
15. Bake quiche and let cool. It looks somewhat normal but I'm still frightened at "what lies beneath."
16. Visit with grandparents and then put quiche in to warm to serve in a few minutes before they have to leave.
17. Pull quiche out of oven. Realize that the "egg slushy" is working against you. Quiche is still watery in the middle and not cooked at all.
18. Try to bake it longer, muttering to grandparents about this being "a first-time recipe." Try to ignore their exchanged glances of concern and looks at their watch.
19. After 10 minutes, pull the quiche out and just decide to give it a go.
20. Make a huge spinach salad with strawberries, just in case quiche is inedible.
Surprisingly, after such a fiasco, the quiche was really quite GOOD! I was shocked and I think the big guy up there was definitely looking down on me for this one!!! Still, next time I think I'll take them down to I-HOP and be done with it!
posted by Crazy MomCat @ 12:00 AM
3 Comments:
OMG, this sounds like me EVERY TIME I try to cook!!! I was laughing out loud at the part about chilis floating. Didn't know that ;)
HOW STRESSFUL!!! I would've loved to have seen pictures of the egg mixture slush. ;-)
Reminds me of when I tried to make the green chile rice to impress the "blind date" guy... Took it to Tam's house for her BBQ and it slopped all over the floor of my car... cuz for some reason, it hadn't gelled. It looked like a big casserole dish of butter and cheese. THEN, people were like "huh, it tastes better than it looks" SIGH. Cooking to impress is a perfect recipe for disaster!
This is another case where it's good to be a guy. If what you've cooked doesn't look completely disgusting and it actually tastes pretty good, people are impressed!
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