Thursday, August 25, 2005

Taking a Bite Out of Interior Decorating

I was reading Christina's blog about how she's experiencing teething in full force with her baby boy. I tried to think about any practical advice I could give her on getting through that period where all your baby wants to do is drool, bite, and chew on anything on which they can get their hands.

I had no advice. You see, my daughter is almost 17 months and she is STILL teething. The kids has quite a lot of choppers now, so you'd think she'd slow down. No, she seems to be building steam.

Look at that darling face--the twinkling eyes, those innocent strawberry blonde ringlets of hair, the pudgy baby legs. If you can ignore that glaringly white diaper peeking out, you'd swear you're looking at a modern day Shirley Temple, right?

(cue the JAWS theme music now please...)

But, wait! Now look at the SIZE of those TEETH! Don't let her flirty smiles and batting eyelashes deceive you. This one is part human, part piranha. One chomp from her on your arm and you're certain to scream at decibel levels higher than a dog whistle, and you might have a good bleeder. I have seriously had people ask me if she got in her permanent teeth instead of her baby ones, because they are THAT significant!

And, if you don't believe me, first take a look at this unassuming basket of fake fruit and napkins that usually sits atop my kitchen table. It looks fairly normal, right? Maybe a little unkempt, but most everything in my house is in disarray. I have two kids, remember?

Now, let's zoom in on that simple basket of fruit to get to the really truth of the matter.

That's right, every piece of the fruit is now marred with teeth marks. When my son was teething, he did leave one set of prints in one piece of fruit, which I thought was so cute. But, my daughter must already be competitive like her Mom. She has to out-do the boy.

But, hope is not lost. Maybe I can train her to use her choppers in a more productive way--perhaps, she could chew away at high spots in the yard, remove splinters from fingers or open bags of salad or pretzels for me. Maybe she could be trained to pick a lock with her teeth or hang by the chandelier and dazzle family and friends with her acrobatics at family get-togethers. that I really think about it, the possibilities are endless!


Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

That is HILARIOUS! Your daughter is adorable! It's funny- I looked at her picture before I read the post and thought "Wow, her teeth look a lot bigger than Baby's!" It must have something to do with how much she's using them!
I have friends who've had to put the teething rails on their cribs and checked out plenty of board books from the library with the corners nibbled off by little teeth- That whole thing is foreign to me. Baby has never chewed much on anything. Isn't it funny how each toddler has such a distinct personality and way of doing things?

7:07 AM, August 26, 2005  
Blogger christina said...

Oh my god you made me laugh SO HARD!!! Thanks for this post. It is so funny, so perfectly apt, so doomsdayish... I'm in for it, aren't I? Your daughter is gorgeous by the way, teeth and all.

7:29 PM, August 26, 2005  
Blogger FattyPants said...

Hiiiiiiiiii :) Michele sent me. My son teethed on our coffe table. He just kept chewing on the corner until I put a gaurd on it. At least she isn't teething on you though!

1:01 AM, August 27, 2005  
Blogger Thumper said...

Hey, perhaps you can hire her out to gnaw off those obnoxious little plastic things that hold tags onto clothes...It takes some pretty sharpy teeth to break those suckers off... ;)

here via Michele's today!

1:41 PM, August 27, 2005  
Blogger The Mistress of the Dark said...

Here via Michele's! Have a great one..My brother's daughter actually took a bite out of my watch when she was teething. There's a mark in the crystal from her toofies :)

1:55 PM, August 27, 2005  
Anonymous honestyrain said...

oh your poor fake fruit! lol. teething sucks. our pediatrician said that if grown ups had to go thru it we wouldn't be able to handle it. i think he's right. poor teething babies!

2:03 PM, August 27, 2005  
Blogger Masked Mom said...

You know the bites out of the fruit make it look soooo much more authentic. It's gonna be the next HGTV trend--right along with "distressing" furniture to give it that lived-in feel. (Like any of us really have to go out of our way to give our furniture the "distressed" look...)

9:55 AM, August 28, 2005  

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