Friday, September 16, 2005

Tiger lilies grow wild here...

So, after my whining and ranting post the other day and here about all of our illnesses over the past two months, I'm sure you assumed I got it all off my chest and out of my system and that would be the last you heard of it. But, oh little did we all know, the saga was not over, my friends.

My daughter, Miss Kitty, is a 17-month-old wild child. She's adorable and happy and too cute for words, all the while being incredibly mischievous and busy every minute of the day. I have blogged on here before how she will go from one cabinet in the house, emptying it and scattering things all around, then to the next drawer, etc. This cycle is how she thinks she is supposed to play. I imagine her thinking to herself, "Isn't it funny how I can do this before Mommy even cleans up the last mess?"

And it is exhausting, but still cute. That's the hardest thing. Because she looks back at you with this single-dimpled grin, your heart melts into a million pools of goo on the floor, and you just can't get too frustrated with her.

That's what made last night so very difficult. She was in one of these tornadic modes when the phone rang. I was in the midst of trying to get ready for my much anticipated night out with my moms' group, complete with margaritas and good eats, when the phone rang. I answered it, and made the mistake of turning my back for about 30 seconds on her. Assuming she was moving to the next drawer to empty, as she usually does, I almost dropped the phone when I heard the ear-piercing scream.

I looked to find my darling girl GRASPING MY HOT CURLING IRON, so frozen with pain that she could not let go!

She had made her way into the adjoining bathroom where I'd plugged it in and put it, as I usually do, in my sink out of reach. But, I had not seen that she could barely touch a small bit of the cord that was near the edge of the counter top. I screamed, threw the phone down ran to her and ripped the curling iron away. I will never forget her little face. It was as if she'd been electrocuted and could not let go of the hot iron and her screams terrified me.

At first, I just held her tightly and rocked her, us both crying uncontrollably. Once she calmed her crying slightly, I had to inspect her hand. And, there it was, already bubbling up. The most awful looking burn on her index finger, a bit of her middle finger, and the tip of her thumb.

And, my friends, this was the straw that broke the MomCat's back. After all the stress of my health problems, then having to watch an I-V be put into my son to rehydrate him after his illness (and the inevitable guilt that came with that--even though there was nothing we could have done more to help him with the virus), and now my perfectly perfect little baby was in intense pain all because of something I did.

In retrospect, I know that I did nothing careless. I put the iron in the sink, away from her reach. She had grown some recently and I didn't realize that the cord was something she could even get a tip of a finger on. But, when something like this happens, I go into blame-mode, which is quickly followed by beat-myself-up-mode, and trailed by I-shouldn't-even-be-a-mom mode. My husband has a hard time dealing with any of these modes, but unfortunately they are my knee-jerk reaction to a lot of things that happen with my kids. It must be my fault.

After grabbing some ice, making quick calls to the after-hours clinic, my husband, and then to the person I hung up on, I drove Miss Kitty to the doctor's office to have the burns checked out. They are second degree, but by the time we got there she wasn't even crying about them. She was using her hand and everything! The doctor told me it won't hurt her until the blisters open up, and then we'll need to medicate and bandage it. We went to playgroup today and did all sorts of things and, aside from finding her fascinatingly gazing and poking at the bubbles, it was as if it had never happened.

Sigh...I can already feel the gray hairs as they are popping up all over my noggin'.

There's a song on my newest favorite CD, that so describes my daughter. Every time I hear this verse, I think of her because it so accurately describes her little daredevil self and my love for her. I'll share it with you now, as I promise myself to do better by watching her closely every second that I can and keeping her out of harms' way whenever I can. She is my heart.

It's Amazing

Tiger lily,
my tiger lily
You're just wild
You're as wild as they come

So what's the trouble?
Where's the problem?
You're just a growing
...beautiful someone

Can you see
It's amazing what you do to me
Took my heart and made me feel things
I never felt before

It's changing me
Which direction so certainly
Shook me up and threw me around
Helped me learn to breathe...It all in


Blogger Dipu said...

I know exactly what you mean; I'd react the same way. I can see myself going through the same blame myself-beat myself up-I don't deserve to be a ____ modes. Even though logically I'd know (as you do) that you can only do so much even if you're careful and you can't be wracked with guilt ... it's so damn hard not to go there.

How you deal with it and move forward is something I can't even imagine, not being a parent...

1:33 AM, September 17, 2005  
Anonymous Angela said...

Oh my goodness, bless your heart... I hope that her burns heal up perfectly and that you can get past the "blame game". She sounds like an absolute doll though, and I hope that everyone gets healthy here pretty soon.

9:46 AM, September 17, 2005  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

You must have been horrified. That could have happened to any of us, though. I'm glad the pain subsided quickly.

I'm going to see Mindy Smith in concert next month!!!!

10:33 AM, September 17, 2005  
Blogger Kross-Eyed Kitty said...

Wow...sounds like you've been going through a lot this summer. Are you happy with your GP? He kind of sounds like he's not all that interested in keeping his patients well!
How is MissKitty's hand? That must have hurt like the dickens. Hope it's getting better.
Thanks for stopping by my blog yesterday, I appreciated your comment!

10:57 AM, September 17, 2005  
Blogger Carmi said...

I hope you don't feel too guilty for too long. This is just one of those things that seems to happen to every kid, every parent, every family.

Kids are remarkably tough, as you have so ably written here. They heal like nobody's business. Likely because they're so busy seeking out their next conquest or challenge.

This changes nothing. I could tell you stories of my own coming of age. My parents had frequent flyer points at the local ER...I'm amazed they made it through my childhood in one piece.

You're a great mom, period.

BTW, I'm randomly dropping in from Michele's and saying hi to everyone. It's my way of making folks smile on a quiet weekend.

I hope you have a great Saturday!

12:52 PM, September 17, 2005  
Blogger Crazy MomCat said...

Dipu--of course you understood. That is why we'll always be good friends...we are soooo much alike in these things!

Thanks for visiting Angela! Carmi, aren't you sweet for saying hello on the slow Sunday blog day! Thank you both for your kind words and support.

Lucinda-I am totally jealous of you! Hope you're having a better day after your run-in.

Ramona (thanks for stopping by- we cat bloggers must stick together-ha!)--My daughter is much better today. She looks at her finger and says "hurt" and then fake cries a little. She saw the curling iron on the counter today and took several big steps back from it. I guess she learned something, unfortunately it had to be the hard way.

Hope you're all having a great weekend!

3:02 PM, September 17, 2005  
Blogger Yaeli said...

Oh! The poor little possum!!! :o(
That must have hurt lots!
When I was about that age I "hugged" a cactus. I have never forgotten it!
Michele sent me!

12:36 AM, September 18, 2005  
Blogger Carol said...

That is a wonderful song for your baby.
I can relate to the automatic guilt-"What did I do wrong?"
Nice to meet you, Crazy MomCat.
Michele sent me!

1:15 AM, September 18, 2005  
Blogger ribbiticus said...

your relationship with your daughter is admirable! hope she heals soon! here via michele, btw. :)

3:27 AM, September 18, 2005  
Anonymous Andrew said...

I once read a quote that said something like, "Having a child is like having your heart live outside your body for the rest of your life."

The fact that you feel this way PROVES you're a good mom!

11:33 AM, September 18, 2005  
Blogger TC said...

I know what you mean. There are days when I am trying to be stern with the Little Princess and I give her my best "Mommy look" and she starts to laugh. It is all I can do to keep serious and let her know I mean business when all I want to do is start laughing too.

12:15 PM, September 18, 2005  
Blogger utenzi said...

Scary stuff, for sure. We're pretty sturdy critters but knowing how much damage we can take, and keep on ticking, isn't much comfort when it's your own kid that's hurt.

I'm glad your daughter was able to react so well after getting hurt like that. Maybe that'll help alleviate your lingering feelings of guilt. As active as she sounds, you'll have plenty more chances before she grows up!

Michele sent me.

8:47 PM, September 18, 2005  

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