Down with The Little People!

Date: January 3, 2006
To: All relatives, friends, and able-bodied gift-purchasers
From: Crazy MomCat
Subject: Little People Ban

The Crazy MomCat household has declared a complete ban on any and all things being or related to the empire that is Fisher Price's Little People. A special force-field has been installed in our home thereby preventing any of these "people" and their various vehicles and establishments from entering said residence. Should any Aunt, Grandparent, or family friend try to sneak in a "people" gift, piercing alarms will sound and the MomCat home will promptly spit them out like a foul swig of sour milk.

'Lest you think that I may be making a really politically incorrect tirade against real people who are born smaller in stature, let me clarify by showing you an example of the "little people" to which this memo refers.

Angelic, aren't they? Happy and friendly, almost to the point you trust them. You might want to hold them and sing a little song or go randomly hug a neighbor. Do NOT fall for this!

The evidence is clear--there is more to these little plastic bits of toy than meets the eye. Our highly-trained team of scientists has found proof that these "people" are in fact forms of highly intelligent life, possessing the ability to clone themselves during the night. Witness, Exhibit A:

Little People are quite clever in their methods for seducing mothers and fathers, and are not above forming themselves into religious figures, having even taken the form of Baby Jesus in our home (Exhibit B). They have no moral limits to their manipulation and deception.

Further evidence will show that MomCat's house was already full of these adorably cute little people and their pets before this influx. It will also show that MomCat specifically requested on Miss Kitty's Christmas list to NOT receive these or a Dora doll (because MomCat had already purchased one) for her daughter.

The Aunt-Who-Sometimes-Acteth-Like-an-Overbearing-Mother-in-Law chose to disregard this direct request, instead purchasing Bathtime Dora AND the Little People House. Here's a shot of the house, which these authorities will acknowledge as "too cute for words."

This abomination MUST stop! The more "people" who are allowed to enter this residence, the more powerful the group becomes. MomCat and her family will have to start removing real furniture to make room for this Little People invasion. Exhibit C shows the new line-up of Little People dwellings and retail establishments. Zoning ordinances strictly prohibit this many buildings being located in the child's sleeping/playing zone.


Finally, Exhibit D showcases MomCat's pathetic attempts at organizing and containing these plastic persons and their equipment. MomCat is clearly not equipped to handle the influx of clutter than has infested her home. The Little People know this. It is all a part of their plan to make the MomCat slowly go mad, whereby they can then take over the home completely. Her resistance is utterly futile.
This document requests that any future planned donations or gifts of Little People be cancelled at this time. Any future attempts to accessorize or complete the collection will result in hefty fines, including lots of free babysitting sleep-overs. Cease and desist or face the harsh consequences. You know not the evil that you are spawning.

Signed,
The MomCat Zoning Committee