Friday, January 06, 2006

Resoluting Rants

My Resolutions and Rants
(A Mixed Up List of Real Hopes and Even More Real Aggravations)

1. Lose weight and keep it off. (Working on this one already...more on that soon.)
2. Never have to put lose weight on my resolutions list again because it is SO overdone, isn't it?
3. Teach my daughter how to "go potty" so I can be DONE with the damn diapers.
4. Reteach my six-year-old son how to HIT the potty. (Note to kid: hitting the wallpaper, back of the toilet, in the trashcan, or on the pipes or floor does NOT constitute getting it in.)
5. Teach my CAT how to go in her potty. (Notice a theme here?)
6. Give up on the cat and just wait for her to head to the great meowing beyond.
7. Order all new carpet once number 6 is complete.
8. Do my best to only write witty and interesting things on my blog, and not become a boring list blog of what I did today and what my kid's poop schedule is.
9. To complete 8, delete this list.
10. Tell a few potty humor jokes to the six-year-old so he thinks his mom is SO funny and cool.
11. Figure out what is wrong with my hair and FIX it already.
12. Give husband a crash course in pop rock ballads of the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Anyone who can't tell the difference between Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel needs some serious help.
13. Somehow find a way to get a good Ipod without paying the $300 plus for it to get the one I want.
14. Ditto with getting my house interior painted only add about $1000 to that number.
15. Find a way to pay for a maid. Consider donating plasma monthly, because it is SO worth it.
16. Learn to live with my gas-guzzling, road-hogging, environment-polluting SUV that everyone hates. We've only had it a few years and it runs great. My next car will be politically correct and a normal size, I promise. (Unless I run out of money doing 13, 14, and 15. In which case, I will be living in my gas-guzzling, road-hogging, environment-polluting SUV.)
17. Ignore family member's idea to buy and bring a karaoke machine to family gatherings. If the family member does go through with this, do NOT sing no matter what! As much as I'd like that talent, I don't have it. As my nephew says, the real fun time to be had is in bringing the machine, then sitting back and making fun of everyone else as they try and sing. Smart kid...
18. Go to sleep earlier so that I don't turn into a real Crankcopatumus each morning as I have to force myself up from bed.
19. Stop obsessing with how many stars my son is getting on his star chart at school and realize he is not going to be like I was when it comes to over-achieving in class.
20. Note to self: make my OWN a star chart for my accomplishments as a SAHM to get over number 19. Announce to family: "When MomCat earns her 10 stars, she WILL be getting a manicure/pedicure and maybe a massage." Hmmm...I think I'm on to something here!

That's all I can come up with for now. More soon!


Blogger Plumkrazzee said...

Yay for #20!! Michele sent me.

2:54 PM, January 06, 2006  
Blogger Lisa said...

Oh - I want to get in on the SAHM Star Chart. You should absolutely patent the idea and sell it, like Dooce selling her dog calendars!

Howdy fellow Texan...found your blog via my blog. ;-) Thanks.

3:34 PM, January 06, 2006  
Blogger Lisa said...

the world would be a much better place if we all had our own star charts

5:21 PM, January 06, 2006  
Blogger daysgoby said...

I want a star chart!!

5:58 PM, January 06, 2006  
Blogger Masked Mom said...

Hey--don't you think the karaoke machine would be a stellar way to teach the hubby to differentiate between Springsteen and Joel? :)

6:22 PM, January 06, 2006  
Anonymous irene said...

make my own star chart, I think that's brilliant!

2:04 AM, January 07, 2006  
Anonymous Angela said...

Haha... Dooce's dog calendars...

Anyway, fabulous list--good for plenty of giggles, not boring at all! I'm pretty much with you on #16, only had the dang thing for 3 years and all of the cars that I would be okay with being seen in are a bit more than I should be spending right now. Oh well!

2:40 PM, January 07, 2006  
Blogger Plain Jane said...

I thought my 13 were ambitious! :) How are you doing so far on them? :)

Michele sent me 'round!

1:45 PM, January 08, 2006  

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