Saturday, March 11, 2006

Bizarre Blog Finds

I've held my breath for long enough on this. I always enjoy reading others blogs when they list off the bizarre and wacky ways people find them through their favored search engine. Now, I'm tossing my hat into this ring, because there have been so many totally freaky searches that have hit my site lately, that I can no longer be silent. So, for your entertainment, or repulsion, I present:

So You Found My Blog THIS Way, Now What?

  1. For the person who found me through "couples sudsing teens," I am disturbed on so many levels. First, is this some sort of disturbing sexual thing or are your teens really that dirty? Don't answer that. Second, how the hell did this hit get directed to MY site?
  2. And, along those same sick lines, for "seduce son's friend" searcher, perhaps you should talk to the sudsing couple? It seems you all are into the same thing. And a nasty thing that is, I might add. If you can't catch up with them, maybe you can find "moms anal adventures" and have a jolly old time.
  3. In other disturbing "son" searches, I feel compelled to talk to "my son's pool party boobs." First off, if your son shows his boobs at pool parties and it is NOT a big hit, perhaps a nice bikini top is in order? In my experience, lycra does wonderful things for the over-blossomed chest. Perhaps a nice tank style with a zippered front? But, in all honesty, if your son wants to show his boobs off at pool parties, why not let him? It is a free country. Party on, boob-boy...party on!
  4. For the many searchers of "stop cat from shitting on the floor," may I just say thank you. My cat STILL has problems and I still haven't found a solution. It drives me nuts, being a compulsive cleaner, and as soon as the old hairball decides to kick the bucket we'll be forking over some cash for new carpet I am sure. Until then, I say thanks that she keeps it to two confined areas that are off our beaten carpet path, and at least I know that someone else out there understands. Now, for "cat slaughter" searcher...really, you don't need to resort to that. I'm sure your kitty is just as sweet as mine. Petco just needs to start selling kitty depends and we'll all be much happier in life.
  5. Finally, for "sorority rush sweat crawl" searcher, I can only say that I have SO been there. Sorority rush makes many a bright-eyed collegiate drop into a heavy sweat and quickly crawl for the door in fear. Who wouldn't want to escape with the thick make-up, the combined smell of 100+ girls different perfumes all in one room, the over-sung Broadway tunes all choreographed to woo you into their club? It is enough to scare anyone. But, for some reason, I did not run fast enough and got trapped by one when I was in college. I survived and even lived to tell about it. But, I wish you better luck than I had!

Honorable mentions and big question marks go out to searchers for "factory hand secreast" and "Chinese burp belch loud obnoxious Chinese spit" because...well, what the HELL are you people doing out there anyway?

15 Comments:

Blogger christina said...

Oh. My. God. How on earth do these searches lead here? You had me squealing with laughter...but seriously--I can't put two and two together. Also, I've always wondered (this reveals how entirely web-deficient I am) how one finds out the search phrases that someone used to land on your site--care to enlighten me??

8:23 PM, March 11, 2006  
Blogger Tamara said...

You crack me up! Who are these people?

8:25 PM, March 11, 2006  
Blogger Shelli said...

That is just weird!

9:19 PM, March 11, 2006  
Blogger Erin said...

Oh my god those were cracking me up! I could help but laugh out loud... Loud enough for my Hubs to tell me to quiet down!!

10:33 PM, March 11, 2006  
Blogger Begered said...

There are all kinds of people in this world...that is WEIRD! Interesting though! I also totally agree with you on the American Idol issue, what the hell are people thinking?
I am here from Michele's.

12:58 AM, March 12, 2006  
Blogger Linda said...

My poor daughter thinks something is wrong with me as I laugh hysterically at these searches! I can NOT believe some of those things...maybe I ought to try odd searches and see what I get...

Saw you at Michele's. No, I'm not right below you, but I try to visit new blogs every day!

8:44 AM, March 12, 2006  
Blogger Vanessa said...

These searchers must have a lot of time on their hands. Thanks for making me laugh!

10:24 AM, March 12, 2006  
Blogger "D" said...

ROFLMAO....

11:17 AM, March 12, 2006  
Blogger Alison said...

WOW! I have seen some weird searches people have gotten to my site through, but nothing compared to those!! And I still haven't figured out why the search engines direct them to our sites... I swear there are people who have found me from words I have never put on my site! (Also, doesn't anyone ever put their search terms in quotes so they will only get sites with that exact phrase? If anyone ever did, they definitely would NOT find sites like mine or yours from their weird searches!)

Thanks for the entertaining post, though I'm sure it creeps you out to think about the people who might be looking at your site & why!

12:08 PM, March 12, 2006  
Anonymous Theresa said...

Don't you just love the search hits? Ok, some are just gross, but to think people actually search for some of that stuff is highly amusing!

5:22 AM, March 13, 2006  
Blogger Tyra said...

LOL!!!! God, that was funny!

9:25 AM, March 13, 2006  
Blogger Lazy Daisy said...

Wow, have I been missing out or what? I feel so left out!

11:56 AM, March 13, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alright, alright, you caught me.. I stumbled across your site after searching for "couples sudsing teens". I was trying to determine if a loufa was better than a hand towel for creating the best suds? Can you provide any input?

Thanks for your help.

2:50 PM, March 13, 2006  
Blogger Masked Mom said...

I'm always jealous of other people's search hits. I try and try but I can't attract the real weirdos! :)

10:15 PM, March 13, 2006  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

Today, I got "pictures of Lindsay Lohan pooping diaper". And that's not the first time I've gotten that particular search. What. The. F*#&.

8:07 AM, March 14, 2006  

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