Bizarre Blog Finds

I've held my breath for long enough on this. I always enjoy reading others blogs when they list off the bizarre and wacky ways people find them through their favored search engine. Now, I'm tossing my hat into this ring, because there have been so many totally freaky searches that have hit my site lately, that I can no longer be silent. So, for your entertainment, or repulsion, I present:

So You Found My Blog THIS Way, Now What?

1. For the person who found me through "couples sudsing teens," I am disturbed on so many levels. First, is this some sort of disturbing sexual thing or are your teens really that dirty? Don't answer that. Second, how the hell did this hit get directed to MY site?
2. And, along those same sick lines, for "seduce son's friend" searcher, perhaps you should talk to the sudsing couple? It seems you all are into the same thing. And a nasty thing that is, I might add. If you can't catch up with them, maybe you can find "moms anal adventures" and have a jolly old time.
3. In other disturbing "son" searches, I feel compelled to talk to "my son's pool party boobs." First off, if your son shows his boobs at pool parties and it is NOT a big hit, perhaps a nice bikini top is in order? In my experience, lycra does wonderful things for the over-blossomed chest. Perhaps a nice tank style with a zippered front? But, in all honesty, if your son wants to show his boobs off at pool parties, why not let him? It is a free country. Party on, boob-boy...party on!
4. For the many searchers of "stop cat from shitting on the floor," may I just say thank you. My cat STILL has problems and I still haven't found a solution. It drives me nuts, being a compulsive cleaner, and as soon as the old hairball decides to kick the bucket we'll be forking over some cash for new carpet I am sure. Until then, I say thanks that she keeps it to two confined areas that are off our beaten carpet path, and at least I know that someone else out there understands. Now, for "cat slaughter" searcher...really, you don't need to resort to that. I'm sure your kitty is just as sweet as mine. Petco just needs to start selling kitty depends and we'll all be much happier in life.
5. Finally, for "sorority rush sweat crawl" searcher, I can only say that I have SO been there. Sorority rush makes many a bright-eyed collegiate drop into a heavy sweat and quickly crawl for the door in fear. Who wouldn't want to escape with the thick make-up, the combined smell of 100+ girls different perfumes all in one room, the over-sung Broadway tunes all choreographed to woo you into their club? It is enough to scare anyone. But, for some reason, I did not run fast enough and got trapped by one when I was in college. I survived and even lived to tell about it. But, I wish you better luck than I had!

Honorable mentions and big question marks go out to searchers for "factory hand secreast" and "Chinese burp belch loud obnoxious Chinese spit" because...well, what the HELL are you people doing out there anyway?