Torn between two blog posts...

...feelin' like a fool...

I have two things to blog about tonight, and I'm leaving for the weekend out of town. Should I:

A>go off on a really deep discussion about watching my child adopt every flaw I hate in myself and how that really screws with my already screwed up/hormonal head...or

B>bitch about bitches?

OK, OK, I'll pick B! It's much more fun to bitch about bitches than talk about my real problems, right?

I have a new category of person that is on my black list. Those gossip-monging women you love to hate, yet you'd never know anything if you didn't listen to them every now and then. So, I give you my top TWO most hated gossip mongers: (Names changed to protect the innocent...and protect me from Googlers!)

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The "I Knock Nice People Down, So I Can Build Me Up" Gossip:
This is the type of person that can really send me into a rant-fest, so I will try to contain myself here. Long ago, I wrote about a toxic neighbor friend that I'd decided to write out of my life after a long list of hurtful things had been spread and reported back to me by said person. Well, since that time, I've tried to forgive and move on and we've actually become friendly again. Notice I said friendly and not full-friends again.

I am getting closer to her again and am opening up more, but I will always be on guard. Why, you might ask? Well, aside from my past injuries, it's conversations at the bus stop like this one:

Me: I can't believe Sandra is moving. She is such a nice person. I'll miss having her friendly face around.

Her: Well, she's just moving to another part of the neighborhood.

(the most brief pause whereby I don't get a word in edgewise)

Her: You KNOW her son was diagnosed as bipolar this year, didn't you? I'm sure that is why. I've heard about a lot of 'incidents' with him and I'm sure they're looking to start over. Poor things...it must be so hard...

Me: Hmmm...well...hmmm...yeah, she's probably the friendliest person on our blog...she always has a smile on her face...(quickly changing the subject)

The TRUTH from the SOURCE:

This neighbor chose to downsize and move into a smaller home in our neighborhood so she and her husband could afford to buy a vacation home. She is one of the most openly kind people I've met since moving here and I really hate that someone is spreading false things about her. And, if this "friend" of mine is saying things about the nicest person on the block behind her back, I just have to wonder what she might say about me--someone she has been openly competitive and hostile with in the past? Scary...very scary.

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The "False Crap Spews Out of Me Faster than a Road Runner with Diarrhea" Gossip:

I hate to say this, but I'm related to one of these. You know the type? They are on speed dial and the first to call with any breaking "news" to everyone they know before even checking if anything they are passing on is remotely true. Today was a classic moment...

(phone rings)
Me: Hello?

Her: Hey, you're not going to believe why I am calling."

Me: Mmmm, Ok. Why?

Her: Derrick Stevens was just busted in Ft. Worth in the largest meth bust in our state's history.

Me: What? (pausing to gasp) Are you NUTS? Derrick Stevens was one of the nicest guys in my class. He's married to Kelly Gilbert, you know, one of our CLOSE FAMILY FRIENDS? I don't believe that crap for a second. Where did you hear this? That doesn't make any sense.

Her: It's ALL true! I just can't believe it. Macy Jackson called me and her brother had called her from Dallas where he saw it on the local news this evening. He saw his picture on the screen and everything, and he said it was DEFINITELY Derrick Stevens.

Me: I am dumbfounded. This is one of the most clean-cut, nice guys in my class. This just doesn't make sense.

Her: Well, you DID KNOW that Kelly's sister just married a Broomfeld, didn't you? You know those Broomfelds are all kinds of trouble...

Me: OK, I've had enough. I'm going to look online. If he really WAS busted, it will be on some news site, I'm sure.

The TRUTH from a simple internet search:

Me: OH GOOD GRIEF!!! I just found it...

Her: (unable to contain her excitement) Does it show is his picture? How does he LOOK? What does it SAY???

Me: ARRRGH! It isn't Derrick Stevens, moron! It's some old man named Kevin Stevens! He's like our Dad's age and he totally looks wasted in the mugshot. OH PLEASE!!!

Her: Uh...(awkward pause) OK. Whew! I am SO GLAD you cleared that up.

Me: You had BETTER get on the phone and call Macy and tell her to CALL EVERYONE that she's already called and you call everyone YOU have told and straighten this out. I'm sure Derrick would love this nasty rumor going around about him because somebody who was obviously blind AND DEAF watched the news tonight.

Her: Oh, yeah! I'd better go now! (rushing off the phone to go undo the damage she surely had already done to a really kind person's reputation)

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Really, I'm going to leave it with these two gossip profiles, but there our thousands more making our lives hell out there. These two just take the cake for me. What is it that compels a person to spread things that they have no idea whether or not they are true? Or, even worse, to make assumptions about other peoples' lives and then spread that personal belief all over creation without any attempt to verify its truth?

Do you really think you're that intuitive and psychic? Are you that smart and superior? Or is the truth that you are so insecure that this is the only way you can build yourself up--by tearing down others for fun?

ARRRGH! OK, rant rested. Thanks for listening...do share your least favorite type of gossip in comments and continue this vent as you see fit. Have a great weekend everyone!