Friday, November 17, 2006

Diary of a Narcoleptic's Wife

My husband, I have decided, is developing narcolepsy. And, I'm not quite sure what to do about it.

Lately, he has taken to falling asleep several hours earlier than me. He does not say his goodnights and turn in. He falls asleep watching TV, or in front of his laptop stretched out in the leather chair or our couch.

At first, I assumed this was a problem due to lack of sleep from his father/son campout or several weeks back when he was working late hours on his classic car. But, the behavior has continued for several weeks on end now. (Actually, when I think back it was going on some a few months back as well.) Should I be offended? Is my company THAT boring, I wonder? Is he depressed? Is he ill? The questions abound!

This is how it all normally goes down:

Hubby: "Honey, let's watch yadda, yadda on the DVR."
MomCat: "Sure, sounds great"
The show begins, there are a few exchanges of clever banter between husband and wife and then...
MomCat: "Oh, you have GOT to be freaking kidding me!"

I will cut the guy some slack here. When he falls asleep as I'm watching a recorded Oprah, it is one thing. Desperate Housewives, well, OK. I know he only watches that one to indulge me and to see Eva Longoria in her nighties. But, I even caught him dozing during The Bachelor and he is WAY more into that show than I am this season, thanks to the hot little 23-year-old virgin that I know has captured his tv viewing heart and so-never-going-to-happen-for-me male fantasies.

But, tonight was the final straw. He came in as I was finishing up watching an rather dull Oprah, and I offered to fast-forward through it so we could watch the show he requested. And, there we were, about 20 minutes into it when I hear that familiar nasal call.

The man fell asleep during What Not To Wear! Are you JOKING with me? He likes Stacy London even more than the 23-year-old virgin! How could he drift off before knowing if Stacy and Clinton convinced the Texas bachelorette with the spare tire to stop wearing low rise and tank tops, I ask you?

I tried to be considerate and watched the rest of the show without him. But, when it was over, I decided to perform a little test, just to see if he was selectively dozing. I put the station on ESPN.

And, people, I kid you not...the man did not even wake up for that! Now, I think I'm really concerned!

After waiting awhile, I decided to go ahead and wash the dishes, which I knew might wake him up. It did and he came into the kitchen yawning. I feel bad for what I did next, but I got snippy with him.
"Stop all of that yawning and groaning, you've been asleep all night on the couch!"
(MomCat's patented gross exaggeration.)

"Stop it. I fell asleep an hour ago. Big DEAL. Why do you have to be so mean about it? I had a long day at the office..."

He walked away and I felt instantly guilty for my grouchy retort. Then, I started thinking, why am I so irritated by his sleeping really?

The deep-dark truth is, I'm extremely jealous. As a life-long insomniac, it is a rare night that I fall asleep as my head hits the pillow. I have tried relaxation techniques, earlier bedtimes, hot beverages, reading. Sometimes, nothing works. And, I really envy the fact that sleep comes so quickly and lays itself so heavily upon him.

When I do sleep, I suffer from the curse of motherhood--light-as-a-feather sleeping. If one my children so much as clears their throat, I am awake and wondering if they are getting sick. Then, my mind wanders to what I need to get done the next morning, and well...after that counting sheep is pointless.

You see, my flock of sheep gave up on me a LONG time ago. No, actually, I think narcolepsy is just so underrated. Why, I'd give up two episodes of Lost just to have a week solid of good sleep!

Oh, and perhaps you have already deduced, besides unreasonable jelousy and crazed insomnia nights, I also have a problem with watching too much TV!


Anonymous Angela said...

Oh, I love that little blonde chick--what the heck is her name... Anyway, I'm totally rooting for her. I think your sleep envy is totally understandable. I've had a few nights of sleeplessness and I know how frustrating that is--I can't imagine if it were an ongoing problem!

7:47 PM, November 17, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Toast said...

Does he snore? I mean, snore A LOT? Is he overweight? These, together with falling asleep at inappropriate times, are classic symptoms of sleep apnea. If this is a regular and not an intermittent thing, you might suggest he talk to his doctor and perhaps schedule an overnight test at a sleep clinic. I had the same problem. It's a fairly common condition and is treatable.

8:44 PM, November 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok.. This is "DaddyCat". Let's clear up something. My Narcoleptic state includes 5-6 nights a week with 5-6 hours of sleep tops. I get up more than an hour earlier than "The CRAZY MomCat", and you would be surprised how tired 2 hours of driving a day will make you. The day in question included a full day of basically training which wears the heck out of me (I am surprised I could stay awake for the drive home)... So before I begin going to check with doctors about my "condition" I will try some normal nights of 7-8 hours of sleep. MomCat is just upset that I am not doing the 12:00 - 5:30 routine right now. Maybe I should start waking her up when I get up, because it doesn't seem fair to living with a morning Narcoleptic ;) Who really sleeps till 6:45 anyway!

9:09 PM, November 17, 2006  
Blogger Dipu said...

I know you're arguing that seeing hot chicks on The Bachelor and What Not to Wear shouldn't be sleep-inducing, and that those shows aren't Oprah, but ... they're still The Bachelor and What Not to Wear! Not exactly guy shows here! Okay, he didn't wake up for ESPN ... but it ain't like SportsCenter put him to sleep in the first place! I wouldn't worry until he falls asleep during football. This may just be his body's way of reminding you both that he needs more guy shows in your schedule, hot babes on the chick shows notwithstanding... :-)

9:48 PM, November 17, 2006  
Blogger Babs said...

aha, you even got Daddy Cat to comment on your blog... very nice! I have to say that falling asleep during What Not to Wear doesn't seem like THAT big of a problem... especially when they picked the LAMEST bachelorettes in Austin, Texas. ;)

11:39 PM, November 17, 2006  
Blogger Crazy MomCat said...

First off, DaddyCat, 5-6 hours of sleep a night is the NORM for me. Secondly, it isn't like your "training" at your job is physical labor. I'd like to point out here that you are a computer PROGRAMMER, for goodness sake.

With that said, point well taken. I just enjoyed a good ribbin' at your expense. And, I dare you to try and start waking me up at 5:30 a.m. Mess with the bull and you get the horns, baby!

For Dipu: I totally KNOW all those shows are chick shows. That was part of my humor. My husband DID manage to just stay awake for The Longest Yard, so I guess it IS my TV viewing that is getting him! I'm thinking of having a Days of Our Lives Marathon next week, just to see if I can finish him off! Anyone care to join me? Hehehehehe

11:40 PM, November 17, 2006  
Blogger Dipu said...

Hey, us guys gotta stick up for each other when one is accused of falling asleep during chick shows as if that's a bad thing -- no matter what the context, ya know? :-)

8:24 AM, November 18, 2006  

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