Friday, June 22, 2007

My radar needs a tune-up...

Ever since my worst parenting moment incident at the beach early this summer, my mommy radar has been up in a bad way. I find myself noticing every drowning story and fighting back tears as I imagine what the parents are going through. Every little warning or horrible story that gets passed on about a child affects me so much more deeply now than it did before.

In a way, I suppose this is good. I am overly attentive and watch my kids like a hawk even more so now than before. But, it is a hard way to go through your days, quite honestly. And, I'm swearing off Oprah now after her recent penchant for shock stories that scare the hell out of parents. I need to find a way to turn my radar down, just a smidge so that I don't continue to feel depressed and scared about the world we live in.

Only, NOW I'm wondering if my friend radar is not set high enough or something too. Like, maybe I need a whole new calibration of my internal radar? Wait, do you actually calibrate radars? For a second there, I almost sounded like somewhat of a techno-nerd, eh? My uber-programmer husband would be oh so proud...

In an email discussion with a close friend lately, I was talking about the normal ins and outs of married life and parenting. This is a friend of whom I can confide some of the more difficult stuff to talk about, because she's shared most everything with me. I'd recently talked to her about a mutual friend of ours with whom my friendship has grown a little more awkward lately, for some reason, and I'm not sure why. Then, she tells me that she thinks I need to hear a certain song's lyrics--a new country song that talks about knowing who your real friends are. She tells me that song would really speak to me right now. ????

I'm not good at taking hints. I emailed her back and asked what she meant point blank. She hasn't replied. This leads me to wonder if this friend knows something I do not about my other friend and our relationship. Is the other person not truly my friend? Why would this friend she imply that if not? Has the other friend said mean things about me to her or behind my back? These are questions that are now flitting about in my head.

Or, maybe my entire radar is up too high and I need to just take a chill pill already. What do you think? I should reveal here that I'm totally not PMSing right now either, so it isn't that sort of sensitivity going on! But, I have been stabbed in the back several times by women who I thought were truly my friends and felt the long-term affects of that. It is not always easy for me to fully open up now to new friends because of this.

If you were me, would you press the first friend to tell what she meant about the other friend? Would you feel suddenly that you might not be able to trust the other friend at all now? Or would you continue on in the fog that I apparently have been walking around in, with your fingers in your ears singing "lah, lah, lah...I can't hear you" and hoping that everyone just loves you to death and no one would ever betray your friendship for anything?

And, lastly, tell the truth--do I really need to see a therapist instead of posting these crazy rambling thoughts for all the world to read? Go on now, comment....inquiring minds want to know!



Blogger lola coca-cola said...

I have seriously NO radar for subtlety so I would probably press the friend for the real scoop. Or obsess about it for all eternity and suffer low friend esteem about it. One or the other.

8:14 PM, June 22, 2007  
Blogger LadyBugCrossing said...

Hmm... This is a tough one.
I'd say press her for info. She might not tell you if the other woman told her something in confidence... The clue to the whole thing might be in the song...
I dunno... you could always dump them all and go find someone else to hang with.

8:26 AM, June 23, 2007  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I am the type you have to hit over the head with a 2 x 4 for me to see "the message". So, I tend to be very direct. If someone seems weird acting I simply ask them if everything is okay.

What song is it? I hope it isn't "Before He Cheats" !!! (that was a joke, Momcat!)

11:30 AM, June 23, 2007  
Anonymous Niihaus said...

It does sound like your stressometer is set to high currently.

But...I'm obviously going to suggest medication and a psychiatrist! heh!

11:54 AM, June 23, 2007  
Blogger PEACE said...

That would drive me absolutely crazy! It sounds like your friend knows something she isn't saying to you, unless she is insecure and doesn't want you to have any friends but her.

I say threaten them with your tennis racquet if your friend won't spill the beans!

4:50 PM, June 25, 2007  

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