Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Dreaming of a six pack...

I often write about my struggles with getting fit, losing weight, and getting healthy. And, really what you can take from all of that is that A> I am too consumed by it all and B>I'm constantly at work on accepting myself as is.

What is most hard for me to wrap my brain around is that there are some parts of me, that even if I work out like crazy and eat right, are never going to "go back again" after having two kids and hitting my mid-to-late 30s.

One of my favorite blogs to read is a weight loss success story of one woman who, once she'd lost the weight and learned to keep it off, decided to have a tummy tuck and was awesome enough to show photos of this online and the progress as she healed from the surgery. I connect with her probably because, that excess skin around the waist is my issue--one that my trainer pretty much told me there was nothing I could do about without surgery. So, I have continued to read this blogger's stories as she's shared her great recipes and her ups and downs with her readers. And, recently, she announced she was having more surgery to fix the love handles that aren't going away with exercise.

There was a big part of me that thought--whoa. Enough, girlfriend.

And, at the same time, another part of me screamed out--you GO girl!

I fight this struggle in my head daily. And, I don't think I'm the only one.

First off, the fact that I won't fork over the couple grand to have the gap in my front teeth fixed (AKA--my biggest trauma from adolescence) kind of makes me think--hmm, am I really going to hand over the kind of SERIOUS money to have my tummy doo-lap (how DO you spell that, by the way) snipped away?

But, then it feels like I am losing the hardest battle I've ever fought when I do workout after workout, and really change my body shape only to have 2-3 inches of extra flab in my problem area hiding any hope I could have of ever having a six-pack or even going down many sizes in pants.

Then, there's a part of me that thinks, why not do something that makes you feel good inside? If you are a fairly stable person who can approach the whole thing very logically and realize that losing post-pregnancy skin will not solve world peace, nor will it make you a super model, then what's so bad with that? I never plan to be a bikini model at this stage, I'd just like to look equally fit across my whole body. I'd like my hard work to show everywhere...especially the area that I focus the most on when working out.

Today, at my daughter's gymnastics class, I started chatting with a good friend of mine. Our kids are the same ages and she's one of these people that I envy sometimes. She just has a sense of style to her that doesn't come naturally for me and never has. Her house is perfect. I love how she dresses and accessorizes and of course she's as thin as a rail.

Someone brought up the name of a dermatologist which set us off onto the Botox or not to Botox conversation. And, she rattled off facts, figures, and all sorts of information about the latest treatments for wrinkles and aging. She pointed to her neck and talked about how she wanted to have it done, but it was too expensive. As I sat staring at her face, which didn't have a line or a problem that I could see, and I had to control my mouth not dropping open at her. Then, I started feeling a little angry. Because she looks so great--why would SHE need work?

Why can't women accept themselves the way God made them? Men somehow do. I mean, I know all guys have a few insecurities, but they seem to shrug them off for the most part with an, "Oh well, that's just me." What I wouldn't give for the ability to have that attitude!

A few days ago I was at the gym working out when I noticed something as I was working my shoulders out. I was doing those awful "Ws" with the weights (if you've done this, you know what I'm talking about), and I found myself looking more objectively at myself in the mirror. No longer was I fixating on my waist or my thick neck. I wasn't comparing my midsection with the other people working out. I was looking and thinking, "Hey, my shoulders are really starting to look defined. I look in proportion. I like my athletic build. I'm so glad I'm not built any differently!"

And, you know what? It felt really good. I am not saying I won't ever get the tuck. Because if I reach all of my weight loss and fitness goals, that might be my reward one day. But, what I hope more than anything is to look in a mirror and not see the flaws, but the features that God gave me and not feel like that's arrogance on my part, but self-acceptance.

And, if I can pass that way of thinking on to my daughter, then will have accomplished a heck of a lot more than a six pack, won't I?

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4 Comments:

Blogger babs said...

Personally, I think there is nothing wrong with getting a tummy tuck. It's a completely different issue than your cute little tooth gap. :)

btw, do you read Sundry Mourning? (http://www.sundrymourning.com/) She just had her 2nd child in Feb and looks so freakin awesome now. It's pretty inspirational. (I think she just turned 33)

10:10 PM, July 02, 2008  
Blogger LadyBugCrossing said...

Personally, I don't have cash for a tummy tuck (and I like to eat but not exercise all that much so my weight goes up and down so it really wouldn't be worth it for me...) - but if you want one I say GO for it!! If it makes your pants fit better - I say why not?

As for your front tooth gap - providing it makes you crazy as I'm sure the rest of the world doesn't even see it as you do - your dental insurance should cover the first $1500... Invisalign?? Maybe? LLB is going for an invisalign consult next week (I think). I was hoping to get her to wait a little longer, but the dentist said they could do a free consult to see if it was even feasible. I want her to have that instead of regular braces because of her trumpet playing. :-)

So - I'm back on the exercise wagon starting today. I hope I can stay on it longer than 24 hours.

xo
LBC

8:21 AM, July 03, 2008  
Blogger Aunt Vanessa said...

Yes! The most positive thing you could ever do for your daughter is to teach her to have a healthy self image.

As for a tummy tuck, why not? You're definitely not someone who'd go nuts and start having every inch of your body nip/tucked; you're too smart for that.

This is a great post and you should submit it to some women's health magazines.

3:30 PM, July 03, 2008  
Blogger Crazy MomCat said...

You guys are so awesome. Thanks!

11:37 PM, July 03, 2008  

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