Answering the Hard Questions
I can tell I'm entering the "Era of Hard Questions" with my almost 6-year-old these days. The other day, I was in an awkward position with one of these questions, and not sure how to respond.
Ryan had a neighbor friend over and he asked a question about a boy marrying another boy. To him, if you really have a pal and love playing with them every day, well that seems like someone you would want to marry--nevermind if they are a girl or a boy or an alien from Mars. Children's reasoning is so pure and untainted by society at his age that it is so wonderful really. You just wish it could stay that way forever.
Well, when he asked about a boy marrying a boy, his friend piped in, "Uh-uh, Ryan! Boys CAN'T marry boys. They ONLY marry girls!"
Ryan looked at me and then looked back at him and said, "Yes they can! I saw it on a T.V. show!"
O.K., the parent in me was wondering WHAT TV SHOW THIS WAS, given that I approve of anything he watches. Was it a commercial? Or, has my son been watching "The Real World" over my shoulder when I think he's asleep or something?
But, nevermind that...the main reason I was totally speechless was because the neighbor who was here is growing up in a very conservative family. I know that his father is probably teaching him that boys cannot marry boys in any circumstances, or it is a sin against God.
And, here's where I got stuck. I really wanted to interject in this conversation and say something more open-minded and non-judging (even if I consider myself fairly conservative-minded). Something like, "There are all kinds of people in the world. Some boys love girls and some boys love other boys, and some girls love other girls. And that's OK, because it's no one else's business but theirs who they love."
But, when the neighbor boy goes home with this message to his conservative family, then I know a whole can of worms would be opened up. So, what did I do? I got out the Valentines' candy and distracted the HELL out of them to change the subject!!!
But, I know the question is coming again from Ryan. He's so perceptive and knew I was uneasy with that conversation. He will ask again. And the hard thing is, I'm not 100 percent sure what I believe on the issue. Most who follow my church's doctrine to a "T" (including my relatives) will tell you that homosexuality is a sin and that's in the Bible. But, I am not one who believes in things blindly. I have not done serious Bible study in years, especially on social issues like this. But, in my heart, I question how two people in a loving relationship can be unacceptable--given the amount of spousal abuse and brutality that goes on in many heterosexual relationships. So, while it doesn't always seem natural to me, I can't really condemn that lifestyle at all.
So, all of that was to say--I have no idea what I am going to say when some of these hard questions come my way from him. Am I utterly pathetic for not having a hard and fast stance on issues like this? It isn't as if I'm uneducated. It's more that I've tried most of all to live my life by not judging someone else--because I believe that God is the one who stands in judgment, not me.
In the meantime, I have to come up with some kind of enlightened and helpful response to my son on the big questions that he shoots out at me in the next few years. It is daunting and scary to think about how my answers might mold his thinking for a very long time.
Ryan had a neighbor friend over and he asked a question about a boy marrying another boy. To him, if you really have a pal and love playing with them every day, well that seems like someone you would want to marry--nevermind if they are a girl or a boy or an alien from Mars. Children's reasoning is so pure and untainted by society at his age that it is so wonderful really. You just wish it could stay that way forever.
Well, when he asked about a boy marrying a boy, his friend piped in, "Uh-uh, Ryan! Boys CAN'T marry boys. They ONLY marry girls!"
Ryan looked at me and then looked back at him and said, "Yes they can! I saw it on a T.V. show!"
O.K., the parent in me was wondering WHAT TV SHOW THIS WAS, given that I approve of anything he watches. Was it a commercial? Or, has my son been watching "The Real World" over my shoulder when I think he's asleep or something?
But, nevermind that...the main reason I was totally speechless was because the neighbor who was here is growing up in a very conservative family. I know that his father is probably teaching him that boys cannot marry boys in any circumstances, or it is a sin against God.
And, here's where I got stuck. I really wanted to interject in this conversation and say something more open-minded and non-judging (even if I consider myself fairly conservative-minded). Something like, "There are all kinds of people in the world. Some boys love girls and some boys love other boys, and some girls love other girls. And that's OK, because it's no one else's business but theirs who they love."
But, when the neighbor boy goes home with this message to his conservative family, then I know a whole can of worms would be opened up. So, what did I do? I got out the Valentines' candy and distracted the HELL out of them to change the subject!!!
But, I know the question is coming again from Ryan. He's so perceptive and knew I was uneasy with that conversation. He will ask again. And the hard thing is, I'm not 100 percent sure what I believe on the issue. Most who follow my church's doctrine to a "T" (including my relatives) will tell you that homosexuality is a sin and that's in the Bible. But, I am not one who believes in things blindly. I have not done serious Bible study in years, especially on social issues like this. But, in my heart, I question how two people in a loving relationship can be unacceptable--given the amount of spousal abuse and brutality that goes on in many heterosexual relationships. So, while it doesn't always seem natural to me, I can't really condemn that lifestyle at all.
So, all of that was to say--I have no idea what I am going to say when some of these hard questions come my way from him. Am I utterly pathetic for not having a hard and fast stance on issues like this? It isn't as if I'm uneducated. It's more that I've tried most of all to live my life by not judging someone else--because I believe that God is the one who stands in judgment, not me.
In the meantime, I have to come up with some kind of enlightened and helpful response to my son on the big questions that he shoots out at me in the next few years. It is daunting and scary to think about how my answers might mold his thinking for a very long time.
posted by Crazy MomCat @ 9:20 PM
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