Following the Leader?
So, today was the parent/teacher conference at my son (WildCat's) preschool. Because he's been there almost 4 years now, I really didn't get very nervous about this at all. He's had a good year, as far as I can tell, and I feel like he's ready for regular school.
And the meeting went fine. Except...well, for one comment. It's always one thing that sticks with you in these situations, isn't it? WHY IS THAT?
Anyway, so at the beginning of the year they held these conferences so that you could get a level-set as to where your child was currently. Then, this second meeting is to compare their progress through the year. For kids in the Bridge/Pre-K class it is also a chance to talk and find out if they're ready for "big kid" school and if not what needs to be done to GET them ready ASAP.
As I said, it all went fine. WildCat is progressing with his written/reading skills quite well and needs to work a little on his number recognition/writing. All things I knew.
At the first-of-the-year conference, when I asked about my son's behavior in the class and socially, the teacher referred to him as "a rule follower" who listened and responded to her in the classroom. Sounds good, right? Listen, I was raised in a family of teachers/educators. Respecting and listening in the classroom is WAY up there for me in terms of what is expected of my kids at school.
Well, this time around, both teachers referred to WildCat as "a follower." Not a RULE follower, but "a follower." There is a subtle difference there that might not bother some, but it did me. I don't want my kid to be "a follower" who does whatever the most influential kid of the moment is doing! A RULE FOLLOWER works his way up through the ranks in his class, and later the workforce, getting raises and promotions all earned by doing his job and doing it well. A FOLLOWER, well he jumps in front of a speeding SUV because the popular kids tell him to. A FOLLOWER is the kiss-ass that tails the boss and uses his stupid corporate lingo in meetings while berating his coworkers for not towing the line. "The synergy is just not right in this group. We need to grow our company and integrate our minds into one cohesive unit." (GAG!)
My son is an independent thinker. He amazes me with the things he comes up with and the interests he has. He's a ham at home and definitely is his own person. I mean, the kid made up a bizzare Asian-sounding word to shout at the traffic lights when they're red and you want them to turn green--"OKO-SAMA, Mom! Tell it, OKO-SAMA!" This isn't a mind of a drone...a FOLLOWER!
So, this makes me wonder, have we gone overboard with instilling in him to follow instruction both from us at home and in the classroom? As parents, are we so concerned with his behavior that we've stifled him socially?
I guess I am also sensitive to the "follower" label. I was painfully shy in my early elementary school years. I was mistaken as a follower many times I'm sure, because I just went with the flow and didn't raise a ruckus. But, I wasn't a follower. As I grew up and got more confidence, I expressed myself in my own way--be it from dating people others might not expect me to (my first two high school boyfriends/dates were 1> a Hispanic boy from a very low-income family and 2> a senior boy who was pretty much a drama dude and not among the popular crowd) or to not following interests people though I would definitely follow (I chose baton twirling and band over cheerleading and was happy to do that!)
In a recent meeting with one of WildCat's teachers, we had a good discussion about the pressure put on kids today. She got emotional talking to me about it, I sensed probably because of her experiences with her 4-year-old son in the same school program. She commented on how we as adults just expect kids to be so resilient. We take vacations, change our schedules willy nilly, and then don't understand if a child has a meltdown at school or starts behaving in an inappropriate way. We expect them to sit up straight and not run around in restaurants, use good manners with adults at all times, and never act up in school.
But, these are KIDS! I guess one thing I am trying to take away from all this thinking about this tonight is to remember that with my son. He's such a responsible little boy that I often forget his IS a little boy, especially now with Natalie taking on the baby role in our house. I get so wrapped up in schedules and accomplishing my to-do lists that I often let it consume me. I don't take the time to play with my little boy as much as I should.
The teachers said he's "a follower" today at the school. Perhaps I will give my son the chance to lead for a change at home sometimes, and I'll follow. I wonder where his amazing little mind will take us! OKO-SAMA, WildCat! You go, boy!!!
And the meeting went fine. Except...well, for one comment. It's always one thing that sticks with you in these situations, isn't it? WHY IS THAT?
Anyway, so at the beginning of the year they held these conferences so that you could get a level-set as to where your child was currently. Then, this second meeting is to compare their progress through the year. For kids in the Bridge/Pre-K class it is also a chance to talk and find out if they're ready for "big kid" school and if not what needs to be done to GET them ready ASAP.
As I said, it all went fine. WildCat is progressing with his written/reading skills quite well and needs to work a little on his number recognition/writing. All things I knew.
At the first-of-the-year conference, when I asked about my son's behavior in the class and socially, the teacher referred to him as "a rule follower" who listened and responded to her in the classroom. Sounds good, right? Listen, I was raised in a family of teachers/educators. Respecting and listening in the classroom is WAY up there for me in terms of what is expected of my kids at school.
Well, this time around, both teachers referred to WildCat as "a follower." Not a RULE follower, but "a follower." There is a subtle difference there that might not bother some, but it did me. I don't want my kid to be "a follower" who does whatever the most influential kid of the moment is doing! A RULE FOLLOWER works his way up through the ranks in his class, and later the workforce, getting raises and promotions all earned by doing his job and doing it well. A FOLLOWER, well he jumps in front of a speeding SUV because the popular kids tell him to. A FOLLOWER is the kiss-ass that tails the boss and uses his stupid corporate lingo in meetings while berating his coworkers for not towing the line. "The synergy is just not right in this group. We need to grow our company and integrate our minds into one cohesive unit." (GAG!)
My son is an independent thinker. He amazes me with the things he comes up with and the interests he has. He's a ham at home and definitely is his own person. I mean, the kid made up a bizzare Asian-sounding word to shout at the traffic lights when they're red and you want them to turn green--"OKO-SAMA, Mom! Tell it, OKO-SAMA!" This isn't a mind of a drone...a FOLLOWER!
So, this makes me wonder, have we gone overboard with instilling in him to follow instruction both from us at home and in the classroom? As parents, are we so concerned with his behavior that we've stifled him socially?
I guess I am also sensitive to the "follower" label. I was painfully shy in my early elementary school years. I was mistaken as a follower many times I'm sure, because I just went with the flow and didn't raise a ruckus. But, I wasn't a follower. As I grew up and got more confidence, I expressed myself in my own way--be it from dating people others might not expect me to (my first two high school boyfriends/dates were 1> a Hispanic boy from a very low-income family and 2> a senior boy who was pretty much a drama dude and not among the popular crowd) or to not following interests people though I would definitely follow (I chose baton twirling and band over cheerleading and was happy to do that!)
In a recent meeting with one of WildCat's teachers, we had a good discussion about the pressure put on kids today. She got emotional talking to me about it, I sensed probably because of her experiences with her 4-year-old son in the same school program. She commented on how we as adults just expect kids to be so resilient. We take vacations, change our schedules willy nilly, and then don't understand if a child has a meltdown at school or starts behaving in an inappropriate way. We expect them to sit up straight and not run around in restaurants, use good manners with adults at all times, and never act up in school.
But, these are KIDS! I guess one thing I am trying to take away from all this thinking about this tonight is to remember that with my son. He's such a responsible little boy that I often forget his IS a little boy, especially now with Natalie taking on the baby role in our house. I get so wrapped up in schedules and accomplishing my to-do lists that I often let it consume me. I don't take the time to play with my little boy as much as I should.
The teachers said he's "a follower" today at the school. Perhaps I will give my son the chance to lead for a change at home sometimes, and I'll follow. I wonder where his amazing little mind will take us! OKO-SAMA, WildCat! You go, boy!!!
posted by Crazy MomCat @ 2:09 AM
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