Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Today you gave me more...

Every day, when you have come home, I have hit you with questions. I have tried the direct questioning, the subtle approach, and even the guilt trip method--all looking for clues of how your day went in your new little world. It is a world I am not a part of in any way, and that scares me. I miss you. I want to know that you are out there learning and having fun. I want you to know that I am doing my normal things day-to-day, but always with you in my mind.

This is how it will be for the rest of my life. This learning to let go, little by little, until you grow into a man and leave me, independent and self-assured. You won't need me much, if I do my parenting job well. But, I will always need you. You are my first born and I ache to let go of any part of you, but I do because I must.

It is hard for me to share your beautiful soul with anyone who might not recognize and appreciate it the way I do. It is difficult to imagine someone having you in their space every day, and not see into those brilliantly blue eyes and see what a gift your loving heart is to the world it lives in.

This was the third week you were at school, and today you finally gave me a few stories and some smiles when you came home. You allowed me in for a short peek, and you will never know how that delighted me. I kept my cool and tried to just chat, but I was so happy inside to know a little more about your day.

Even the smallest nugget of a story is like a precious jewel to a lonely mother's heart.

6 Comments:

Blogger Lisabell said...

This almost made me cry, and I'm at work. I can only imagine what this feels like. You have the hardest job in the WORLD, my friend.

4:10 PM, August 31, 2005  
Anonymous irene said...

oh Steph I know how you feel. it's exactly the same here. the boys would not tell a thing about their day at school except some really surprising things like "we ate", "we napped", "we played". but I read in a book that kids often do that. that they love to have a secret garden of their own. boy do I envy you for getting to chat with your son.

4:21 PM, August 31, 2005  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

Awww Steph, this is great! I love the picture- You are such a great mom.
I know how you feel- It's hard to let your child go and experience a whole different world each day without you there to watch over him. Wait'll he gets to HIGH SCHOOL, my friend!

7:42 AM, September 01, 2005  
Blogger Babs said...

And I want to point out that you look GREAT in that photo! You are such a good Mom... and you look good too. Truly impressive. :-)

11:08 PM, September 01, 2005  
Blogger puremood said...

How very sweet and touching! Being a Mom has so many rewards! Hi, from Michele's :)

11:40 PM, September 01, 2005  
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9:20 PM, January 07, 2006  

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