Monday, October 02, 2006

Going through the motions...

It was one of those days that swallows you up,
then spits you back out with anger and confusion.
One that started off as you designed it,
with quickly finished errands and a happy toddler.

Games of Hi-Ho Cherry-O and blocks,
housework pushed aside for special time together.
But somewhere down the line, you lost it--
that feeling of contentment,
washed away in a flood of hormones
or whatever else causes these days.

You sit and feel the anger bubble up,
at what you do not know,
but the feeling is all too familiar...
it has become a returning friend,
in which you can always depend.

The small one fights her naptime,
and you desperately need for her to give in.
Tired of going through the motions,
feeling meaningless and misunderstood,
in an adult world that you used to thrive.

You think about disappointments that go unspoken,
the connections dropped or taken for granted,
the writing that feeds your soul yet seems so ordinary,
in a sea full of recognized and appreciated talents.

Where will you go after this motherhood ride?
Will you stay on for more years, or return to an old identity?
Will you find a new path that might bring you confidence again?
Or will you continue on like this, unsure of who you are anymore,
unsure of what God really wants from you, but trying so hard to matter.

All you do know is that these feelings will pass,
and you'll soon have happier days.
Days that leave a smile on your face and
a warmth in your heart,
instead of the hollowness residing there today.


Blogger Nicole said...

Oh the wonderful rollercoaster of motherhood. Thankfully we're gettign old enough and have enough perspective to know days like that don't last forever. But they sure can feel like it.

3:25 PM, October 02, 2006  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

You've spoken for millions here. And so very well. You're right, too, you know. It will pass.

5:32 PM, October 02, 2006  
Blogger Babaloo said...

All aboard the hormone train. I could have written this (albeit, not half as well). Do you mind if I save it?
It speaks volumes...really, great job!

6:27 PM, October 02, 2006  
Blogger karla said...

Man, I have those days.

I have two words for you: Ice cream. It sometimes helps. If not, then just dig your heels in and wait for this feeling to pass. I'll be thinking of you.

With a mouthful of ice cream.

6:50 PM, October 02, 2006  
Blogger Crazy MomCat said...

Thanks, Nicole and Jennifer. It helps to know someone can relate. Subabaloo, of course you may save it--I'm so flattered!

And, ah...Karla...that's half of my problem right now. I'm beginning my second week of a really difficult diet my trainer has me on and I'm SO friggin' SICK of salad. UGH. Ice cream does fix everything doesn't it?

Thanks for commenting guys and sorry for the downer of a post...

8:56 PM, October 02, 2006  
Blogger Tamara said...

I am your sister in funkdom. I wish I had read this sooner. But I'm glad you're outta there now. It comes and goes and comes...

6:42 PM, October 03, 2006  

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