Wednesday, April 30, 2008

A gathering of sorts...

I have so many posts floating in my head right now. There are many things I have wanted to write about, but things I don’t really feel that I can or I have not found the right words for just yet. The short of this is that I am struggling through some life choices—that I don’t feel I can share on this forum right now.

When I look at this past year, there have been so many challenging things that I have chosen to not blog about, and probably should have. Instead, I pulled back and made my blog more light and fluffy and in turn probably lost a little of my own voice on what is supposed to be an outlet and window into my true being. What do I get out of writing my personal thoughts online? Well, while I like to hear what my readers have to say, it is mostly because after I write it, I tend to find myself reflecting upon it and understanding myself a little more.

Life has turned into this heavy/hard thing for me lately, and all I know to do is focus on changing that, and attempt to find joy and get to that place where I feel like I am comfortable where I am all while being true to myself. Because I am not in that place right now and it is showing to all who are close to me. Something is just not right...

So, while I am not prepared to open up just yet with all my problems, I am willing to share how I’m going to try to bring things back into focus. That would be by way of the two Ts, as a good friend put it: Therapy and Training.

I emailed my trainer yesterday and told her I was ready to come back. Working out consistently again on my own has gotten me to a certain level, but my weight continues to be at a regretful place that is not helping me get off of these diabetes medications. And, I’ll admit completely, my 20-year class reunion in mid-June has me scrambling a bit as well. I know, I know... I can't lose a massive amount of weight by then, but I can work hard and feel good about that before I go and shake hands with old friends from a day when I was teased about being so skinny.

And the therapy…we’ll I have done it before. At one point in my life, it brought clarity to both my relationship with my mother and sister and helped to heal my marriage. A few other times I have felt it did nothing but cause me to dredge up emotions that I didn't know how to heal. Problems that continue to resurface to this day even.

This time, I have many areas to work through and until I can voice things and think them through, I feel like I will stay in this state of self-confusion. Stuck in this place where I struggle most days to find myself and understand what path to take next.

It’s time to gather myself up and right myself again...

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Blogger LadyBugCrossing said...

My Mr. was recently diagnosed with diabetes. He modified his diet and dropped 10 lbs in the first 2 weeks. Basically, he eats chicken and fish and veggies. He eats carbs - but is careful of how much. Wild rice - not white, no bread, wheat pasta, no sweets. It was amazing! He exercises 30 minutes 6 days a week, as well.

It made a huge difference - his tummy is gone and his face isn't "fat" anymore. He feels good, too.

It's a tough road. Good luck! I'm here rooting for you.

5:53 AM, May 01, 2008  
Blogger Crazy MomCat said...

LBC--tell your husband I am very impressed with his turnaround. I was diagnosed more than 3 yrs ago and have had a much harder time getting my nutrition on track. I have thought of trying the no carb approach, but honestly I don't know if I can do it. I already do all wheat for all things I can... I'd kill to have my tummy gone and exercise just isn't doing it. Of course, having two kids hasn't helped with that either! Thanks for the support!

1:09 PM, May 01, 2008  
Blogger babs said...

I totally agree with your two Ts! My Mom has had the most amazing results with her trainer... and I would NEVER go back to the life I had before therapy. Good for you for recognizing where you're at, and taking steps to improve it.

p.s. If you ever don't feel like blogging, feel free to spew your thoughts in an email to me. :)

1:22 PM, May 01, 2008  
Blogger Nicole said...

It sounds like you're being very pro-active about what you're going through right now and I think that's a good sign. Hang in there and remember that the bad times don't last forever!

2:20 PM, May 01, 2008  
Blogger Aunt Vanessa said...

Therapy is definitely the way to go. Hang in there and know I'm thinking about you. Write me anytime you need to vent, my friend.

9:34 AM, May 02, 2008  

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