One CAN be too helpful, you know...
So, in the wake of Ike and this tragedy on our street, I've felt a wave of emotion and love for my neighbors like I haven't ever experienced. There are some people on our street who really come through in a time of need and we've see real friendship all around us. And, it has been wonderful. Truly, I have been very touched and feel so proud to live where I do.
But, I'm also seeing a bit of a negative side to this too, if you can believe it. And, that is people who go overboard to "help" a neighbor to the point that it is overwhelming and unhelpful in the end to the needy person. And, I'm finding it hard to sit back and watch some of these neighbors almost compete with one another to see who can be the most helpful neighbor to XYZ. Let's just say, at this point, if a backflip competition were to break out in the cul-de-sac, I would not at all be surprised.
It would be hateful of me to analyze people's motivation, although I do have some questions about it. But, most of all, I'd like to slap a few upside the head and tell them to knock it off already. Everyone wants to help. We've all signed up for meals to bring and all offered to pick up kids and do whatever is needed for this family in their time of hardship. But, when a family has specifically asked for space? When they have specifically had someone call around and tell people they need to be left alone for a few days to digest all of this and deal with a child who is facing surgery and a difficult road to recovery and also deal with their own healing? And, then you choose to still go and get in their face and ask them again and again what you can do?
To me, that crosses a line. And, to me, that is someone who is doing something more to make themselves feel good or better about themselves inside than it is someone thinking about what a friend really wants and needs.
So, now I'm in this position of backing off, but feeling bad about that too. Because I don't know what to do for them, honestly. I make my offers and will make the meals they need. I will try to be a friend without being overbearing about it. And, I'll step back as some of these people continue their competition for neighbor of the year, because in my mind tragedy is no time for competition. I'll let them take that award gladly. Because, all I feel I should give right now is a big hug when I can and just the words, "We're here. Whatever you need..."
Is that wrong of me do you think?
But, I'm also seeing a bit of a negative side to this too, if you can believe it. And, that is people who go overboard to "help" a neighbor to the point that it is overwhelming and unhelpful in the end to the needy person. And, I'm finding it hard to sit back and watch some of these neighbors almost compete with one another to see who can be the most helpful neighbor to XYZ. Let's just say, at this point, if a backflip competition were to break out in the cul-de-sac, I would not at all be surprised.
It would be hateful of me to analyze people's motivation, although I do have some questions about it. But, most of all, I'd like to slap a few upside the head and tell them to knock it off already. Everyone wants to help. We've all signed up for meals to bring and all offered to pick up kids and do whatever is needed for this family in their time of hardship. But, when a family has specifically asked for space? When they have specifically had someone call around and tell people they need to be left alone for a few days to digest all of this and deal with a child who is facing surgery and a difficult road to recovery and also deal with their own healing? And, then you choose to still go and get in their face and ask them again and again what you can do?
To me, that crosses a line. And, to me, that is someone who is doing something more to make themselves feel good or better about themselves inside than it is someone thinking about what a friend really wants and needs.
So, now I'm in this position of backing off, but feeling bad about that too. Because I don't know what to do for them, honestly. I make my offers and will make the meals they need. I will try to be a friend without being overbearing about it. And, I'll step back as some of these people continue their competition for neighbor of the year, because in my mind tragedy is no time for competition. I'll let them take that award gladly. Because, all I feel I should give right now is a big hug when I can and just the words, "We're here. Whatever you need..."
Is that wrong of me do you think?
Labels: neighbors
posted by Crazy MomCat @ 10:05 AM
5 Comments:
No - it's just right.
xo
LBC
I am totally with you on this one. I can understand wanting to be left alone at least for a while. You know when someone is offering to be nice and thats fine. You are right in that the people end up doing for themselves not for the intended.
Some people do things just to say, "Look at me!! Look what I am doing." UGH.
Is it wrong of you? No, not at all...
You are definitely NOT wrong. You have common sense and it seems that some don't, at least in this case. Your friends need space to deal with it and you're honoring their wishes. Don't worry about those competitors. They are probably that way in every situation and will not change.
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