Are You There, God? It's Me...MomCat...
Sorry for the silly Judy Blume reference in the ole' title, but it is the wee morning hours, so what do you expect really?
An interesting tidbit from my week:
Went to a new dentist and liked everything about my visit until it came time to leave and he attempted to shake my hand. I say attempted, because I would hardly call what he did a real handshake. It felt more like grasping on the hand of...oh, let's say a coma patient. There was no shake action on his part, no gripping, and I got the distinct feeling that someone had told him that as a dentist he had better shake a client's hand, when in fact he detested having to do so.
What is it about a handshake really that can really say something about a person? Is it is just me, or can a wimpy handshake make you want to say have someone else clean your teeth?
The irony in all of this---the guy's last name is "Handley." Seriously, people. I can't make this stuff up...
So, in honor of "Hans Handley" (OK, that's not his first name, but it was just too fitting here...don't you think?), I will now leave you with some good, old-fashioned Jack Handey humor:
Instead of having 'answers' on a math test, they should just call them 'impressions', and if you got a different 'impression', so what, can't we all be brothers?
Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it little friend.
Sometimes I wish I were dead. No, wait. Not me — you.
The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go: Hey, I'm Vine Man.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said: Dust to dust, some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others: I'll be waiting for you in heaven - with a gun.
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
An interesting tidbit from my week:
Went to a new dentist and liked everything about my visit until it came time to leave and he attempted to shake my hand. I say attempted, because I would hardly call what he did a real handshake. It felt more like grasping on the hand of...oh, let's say a coma patient. There was no shake action on his part, no gripping, and I got the distinct feeling that someone had told him that as a dentist he had better shake a client's hand, when in fact he detested having to do so.
What is it about a handshake really that can really say something about a person? Is it is just me, or can a wimpy handshake make you want to say have someone else clean your teeth?
The irony in all of this---the guy's last name is "Handley." Seriously, people. I can't make this stuff up...
So, in honor of "Hans Handley" (OK, that's not his first name, but it was just too fitting here...don't you think?), I will now leave you with some good, old-fashioned Jack Handey humor:
Instead of having 'answers' on a math test, they should just call them 'impressions', and if you got a different 'impression', so what, can't we all be brothers?
Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it little friend.
Sometimes I wish I were dead. No, wait. Not me — you.
The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go: Hey, I'm Vine Man.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said: Dust to dust, some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others: I'll be waiting for you in heaven - with a gun.
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
Labels: bad humor, insomnia post, Jack Handey
posted by Crazy MomCat @ 1:27 AM
11 comments
