Loving Ourselves More
OK, don't take this blog title literally, I am NOT talking about love in the physical sense! I am talking about how we as women don't love ourselves enough, the way that God made us.
While I was out pounding the pavement (and believe me, with my flat feet and weight issues, I DO pound--I expect to see footprints in the concrete one of these days!), I saw a lady jogging in the distance. I thought, man she looks exactly how I wish I looked--buff and fit. She had sculpted shoulders and legs, and little body fat, but she wasn't rail thin or disgustingly skinny. She looked athletic and healthy. She didn't seem to be struggling with her jog at all, but out enjoying the day. I thought to myself how that was my goal. I am never going to be waif thin, nor do I want to. But, I'd like to look fit and to look healthy and trim. Just as this woman looked, who was running along the streets of our neighborhood.
As I got closer to her, I realized this was someone I knew. This was a friend of mine from my bunco group. We smiled and said hello. I came home and sent her an email complementing her buffness. But, I'm still sitting here in amazement for one reason. This woman has already had breast augmentation and has lately been talking about now going under the knife again for a tummy tuck (to get rid of excess skin from childbirth, she HAS no fat). And I just can't believe...after seeing her and gawking at how I wish I could look like that, that she wants to change ANYTHING about herself! She works her tail off with weights and jogging and it definitely shows. She's there. She's to that level we all dream we can achieve. Only, she's still not satisfied with herself and wants more.
I am not bad-mouthing my friend. She's amazing and inspiring. And, also, she's very typical. Why do we as women continue to never be satisfied with ourselves? If it isn't our figure that we fixate on, it is our love life, our work achievements, the way our house is decorated, etc. And, if you're like me with too much "thinking" time on your hands, well it is all of the above! And isn't that really sad when you think about it?
Another friend of mine just posted a really painful and honest account of the toll her former marriage took on her mentally. Her ex-husband was a fat-basher and tormented her. She was mentally abused, I fully believe, by this person. And it has taken years of roller-coaster dieting and weight gain for her to recover. And I ache for her. I feel fortunate to have married someone who is not like this.
But, I think about it deeply and realize that I know the way she must have felt---because I mentally abuse myself daily by thinking the thoughts her jerk ex-husband used to say. I berate myself an use self-deprecating humor (see the first sentence of the second paragraph in this article, if you need an example) as a way of masking that I hate my physical appearance. I have learned to use humor to try to forget the little voice inside of me that tells me I am never good enough, never thin enough, never perfect enough.
Who put that voice in our heads, my friends? And how do we get it out? We can blame the media, our parents, peers, or mentors until we are blue in the face. That doesn't get rid of it. It is up to us, as strong women, to squash "the voice." We have got to find a way not to pass this on to our daughters. We MUST learn to love ourselves for who we are, in all our beauty. And so, for you my women friends, please read this poem and think about it. Post it on your 'fridge and live it. And feel empowered to love yourself, for you are a phenomenal woman!
"Phenomenal Woman"
by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
While I was out pounding the pavement (and believe me, with my flat feet and weight issues, I DO pound--I expect to see footprints in the concrete one of these days!), I saw a lady jogging in the distance. I thought, man she looks exactly how I wish I looked--buff and fit. She had sculpted shoulders and legs, and little body fat, but she wasn't rail thin or disgustingly skinny. She looked athletic and healthy. She didn't seem to be struggling with her jog at all, but out enjoying the day. I thought to myself how that was my goal. I am never going to be waif thin, nor do I want to. But, I'd like to look fit and to look healthy and trim. Just as this woman looked, who was running along the streets of our neighborhood.
As I got closer to her, I realized this was someone I knew. This was a friend of mine from my bunco group. We smiled and said hello. I came home and sent her an email complementing her buffness. But, I'm still sitting here in amazement for one reason. This woman has already had breast augmentation and has lately been talking about now going under the knife again for a tummy tuck (to get rid of excess skin from childbirth, she HAS no fat). And I just can't believe...after seeing her and gawking at how I wish I could look like that, that she wants to change ANYTHING about herself! She works her tail off with weights and jogging and it definitely shows. She's there. She's to that level we all dream we can achieve. Only, she's still not satisfied with herself and wants more.
I am not bad-mouthing my friend. She's amazing and inspiring. And, also, she's very typical. Why do we as women continue to never be satisfied with ourselves? If it isn't our figure that we fixate on, it is our love life, our work achievements, the way our house is decorated, etc. And, if you're like me with too much "thinking" time on your hands, well it is all of the above! And isn't that really sad when you think about it?
Another friend of mine just posted a really painful and honest account of the toll her former marriage took on her mentally. Her ex-husband was a fat-basher and tormented her. She was mentally abused, I fully believe, by this person. And it has taken years of roller-coaster dieting and weight gain for her to recover. And I ache for her. I feel fortunate to have married someone who is not like this.
But, I think about it deeply and realize that I know the way she must have felt---because I mentally abuse myself daily by thinking the thoughts her jerk ex-husband used to say. I berate myself an use self-deprecating humor (see the first sentence of the second paragraph in this article, if you need an example) as a way of masking that I hate my physical appearance. I have learned to use humor to try to forget the little voice inside of me that tells me I am never good enough, never thin enough, never perfect enough.
Who put that voice in our heads, my friends? And how do we get it out? We can blame the media, our parents, peers, or mentors until we are blue in the face. That doesn't get rid of it. It is up to us, as strong women, to squash "the voice." We have got to find a way not to pass this on to our daughters. We MUST learn to love ourselves for who we are, in all our beauty. And so, for you my women friends, please read this poem and think about it. Post it on your 'fridge and live it. And feel empowered to love yourself, for you are a phenomenal woman!
"Phenomenal Woman"
by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
posted by Crazy MomCat @ 1:36 PM
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