No Accounting for Dollars and Sense
So, I had a meltdown of volcanic proportions today....and it is something that has been simmering in me for many years now. But, one phone call brought the lava to a big ugly head, and two wild children caused a serious emotional overflow.
On a friend's site recently I did a "things about me" list. In it, I mentioned "I'm insecure about my lack of financial knowledge." Well, this statement isn't actually true. In order to be insecure about knowledge, you have to have a smidgen of it to begin with. (There's that self-deprecating humor again...smile.)
So, today my task was simple--call and set up a new credit card with a low APR. So, unfortunately, I forget to call until AFTER I pick up my son from school. (This was a really bad move on my part, as you'll soon see.) So, we get home from school, and I make it clear to him that I need to make a "business call" and he is NOT to interrupt me while I'm on it and when I'm done, I will let him have some of his oooey-gooey Easter chocolate for a treat. (Chocolate is a parent's best bribing tool, let me tell you.)
Well, the minute I get on the phone, he starts in. I don't know what came over this child, but he was determined to end my phone call with every fiber of his being.
Now, to the financial stuff. So, I had my purse stolen when I first moved to our fair city and was the victim of identity fraud. We still have trouble with this today occasionally. So, I have some extra protection on my credit to help with this. But, because of this, applying for a charge card entails answering a whole slew of questions about your finances to verify that you are really YOU on the phone.
This is where the first pre-eruptions rumblings of the meltdown begin. The guy starts asking me questions about our money. Stuff most people would find easy to answer, like who your car loan is through, how much you pay for yadda and yadda, and the name of this and that.
Only, I could not answer these questions AT ALL. A few I can say now I probably knew, but the more he asked the more pressure I felt and I just blanked on everything. I could answer NOTHING aside from our yearly income and some other REALLY idiotic questions.
Now, simultaneously, a Mount St. Helen's meltdown was happening between me and my kids. My son was on the warpath and was bringing out all of his tomahawks, arrows, and smoke signals to get my attention. He interrupted, he tortured his sister to make her squeal, he shouted false alerts to me about his baby sister ("Mom, she's really, REALLY hurt.), he yelled and he screamed at the top of his lungs.
It was at this point that I did something foolish, but necessary. I left my 1-year-old in the hands of "Chief You-Ain'ta-Talky-on-the-Phoney", and I went upstairs to try to answer money questions I didn't know. I kept telling the man, "I feel SO stupid, but my husband pays the bills." He kept telling me not to worry, but I could tell he found it amusing.
The screaming escalated to the point that this guy asked how old my kids were and commented on it. I grabbed my biggest clod-hopper of a shoe and hurled it down the stairs (nowhere near the munchkins, I'm not THAT awful) to scare the waddin' out of them. This earned me two seconds of silence. Sigh.
But, after I finally got through the process and actually managed to sign up for the card, I hung up and just started crying. My son went to his room for a very long time out and my husband's poor answering machine at work got an earful of spewing lava from my mouth.
And, in thinking about it, I wasn't really mad at him. I hope he realizes that. But, people, I am NOT a stupid person! Yet, somewhere down the line, I have exempted myself from having to do any financial dealings, aside from deposits and withdrawals and paying for my son's tuition. The tone of the credit card guy was all I needed to set me over the edge. He spoke to me like I was a '50s housewife who just says, "Oh, my husband handles all the IMPORTANT things...I'm just here to make him a good dinner and clean the house in my pearls." VOMIT...VOMIT is now shooting from my mouth like a MOLTEN NIGHTMARE!
Later, I realized that I have done this to myself. I have chosen to not be "in the know" about our money. Because, honestly, it bores me and I do NOT have an aptitude for it. Everyone else in my family lives in debt or is on their way to living in debt, and that's the only way they know to live. I love them, but the "money fights" were all I got to listen to growing up when my parents would argue. And, I think subconsciously I chose a partner who was good with money because of this. AND THANK GOD FOR THAT! But, I cannot live like this anymore. I need to connect myself to our money at least enough to answer the basic questions.
So, I vow to never again allow myself to fall into that valley of ignorance. I will do whatever I can to learn about our finances and start using some "sense" with our dollars and "cents!"
On a friend's site recently I did a "things about me" list. In it, I mentioned "I'm insecure about my lack of financial knowledge." Well, this statement isn't actually true. In order to be insecure about knowledge, you have to have a smidgen of it to begin with. (There's that self-deprecating humor again...smile.)
So, today my task was simple--call and set up a new credit card with a low APR. So, unfortunately, I forget to call until AFTER I pick up my son from school. (This was a really bad move on my part, as you'll soon see.) So, we get home from school, and I make it clear to him that I need to make a "business call" and he is NOT to interrupt me while I'm on it and when I'm done, I will let him have some of his oooey-gooey Easter chocolate for a treat. (Chocolate is a parent's best bribing tool, let me tell you.)
Well, the minute I get on the phone, he starts in. I don't know what came over this child, but he was determined to end my phone call with every fiber of his being.
Now, to the financial stuff. So, I had my purse stolen when I first moved to our fair city and was the victim of identity fraud. We still have trouble with this today occasionally. So, I have some extra protection on my credit to help with this. But, because of this, applying for a charge card entails answering a whole slew of questions about your finances to verify that you are really YOU on the phone.
This is where the first pre-eruptions rumblings of the meltdown begin. The guy starts asking me questions about our money. Stuff most people would find easy to answer, like who your car loan is through, how much you pay for yadda and yadda, and the name of this and that.
Only, I could not answer these questions AT ALL. A few I can say now I probably knew, but the more he asked the more pressure I felt and I just blanked on everything. I could answer NOTHING aside from our yearly income and some other REALLY idiotic questions.
Now, simultaneously, a Mount St. Helen's meltdown was happening between me and my kids. My son was on the warpath and was bringing out all of his tomahawks, arrows, and smoke signals to get my attention. He interrupted, he tortured his sister to make her squeal, he shouted false alerts to me about his baby sister ("Mom, she's really, REALLY hurt.), he yelled and he screamed at the top of his lungs.
It was at this point that I did something foolish, but necessary. I left my 1-year-old in the hands of "Chief You-Ain'ta-Talky-on-the-Phoney", and I went upstairs to try to answer money questions I didn't know. I kept telling the man, "I feel SO stupid, but my husband pays the bills." He kept telling me not to worry, but I could tell he found it amusing.
The screaming escalated to the point that this guy asked how old my kids were and commented on it. I grabbed my biggest clod-hopper of a shoe and hurled it down the stairs (nowhere near the munchkins, I'm not THAT awful) to scare the waddin' out of them. This earned me two seconds of silence. Sigh.
But, after I finally got through the process and actually managed to sign up for the card, I hung up and just started crying. My son went to his room for a very long time out and my husband's poor answering machine at work got an earful of spewing lava from my mouth.
And, in thinking about it, I wasn't really mad at him. I hope he realizes that. But, people, I am NOT a stupid person! Yet, somewhere down the line, I have exempted myself from having to do any financial dealings, aside from deposits and withdrawals and paying for my son's tuition. The tone of the credit card guy was all I needed to set me over the edge. He spoke to me like I was a '50s housewife who just says, "Oh, my husband handles all the IMPORTANT things...I'm just here to make him a good dinner and clean the house in my pearls." VOMIT...VOMIT is now shooting from my mouth like a MOLTEN NIGHTMARE!
Later, I realized that I have done this to myself. I have chosen to not be "in the know" about our money. Because, honestly, it bores me and I do NOT have an aptitude for it. Everyone else in my family lives in debt or is on their way to living in debt, and that's the only way they know to live. I love them, but the "money fights" were all I got to listen to growing up when my parents would argue. And, I think subconsciously I chose a partner who was good with money because of this. AND THANK GOD FOR THAT! But, I cannot live like this anymore. I need to connect myself to our money at least enough to answer the basic questions.
So, I vow to never again allow myself to fall into that valley of ignorance. I will do whatever I can to learn about our finances and start using some "sense" with our dollars and "cents!"
posted by Crazy MomCat @ 1:18 AM
4 Comments:
I have to say that if I could, I would so joyfully surrender all the money stuff to someone I trusted. The more you know, the more you worry, I think. I have always had to be the one in charge of the money, even when I was married, and I am SO SICK OF IT! So while I completely understand how you felt, and I would have wanted to kick the credit card guy in the shins myself, I have to admit I fantasize about a day when I don't need to worry myself with bills... will it ever come?? ;)
Wow, you and I are so totally in sync! I've always stayed in the dark about my finances cuz I didnt get any great modelling from my parents either. AND I think I had this secret fantasy of having someone else do it for me. Now, I'm starting to take some pride in being a "single, independent woman" so I am determined to get these finances under control!
First, I just want to say thank you for your kind words on my journal. And for leaving a link to your site! I always like discovering other swanky mommas out there.
Your post had me laughing so hard. The other day I did my version of the shoe-throw. We were in public and the little one was having a whine-fest and I said "You better stop or else I'm gonna..." and then I blanked. Gonna what? Beat him? He knows better. So I said "or I'm gonna fart on you." Who the hell knows where that came from. Having two boys I guess. He thought it was hysterical and started laughing. Luckily it distracted him from his whine, so it actually worked.
And that's my motherly advice for you today. The end. =P
Awww...thanks, for the reply Coffeegirl (and for linking me on your site!) My son is almost 6 and that "technique" would work SOOOO well with him. I'll have to remember that! Ha!
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