too many questions, too little energy
Have you ever just felt so tired of it all? I mean, the things in life that just weigh you down or cause you stress? Do you ever get to where you just feel like you can't devote any more energy to it at all? I'm talking about things like: excess weight or the bad body image that goes with it, your screaming/misbehaving kids, the same-old bickerings with your hubby that have gone on for 15 years, stress with your family, doing the damn laundry and dishes all the time, and so on.
I'm just so tired of it right now. And I don't quite know what that means. Does that mean I am giving up? I don't feel like I have the energy to work on things anymore and yet, I don't know that giving up solves anything.
Ironically, the only thing I HAVE been feeling more energized about lately is working out--running, doing weights, aerobics, etc. Yesterday, I had a friend tell me I had "rockin' legs" and that I looked great from my running workouts. It was so nice for someone to recognize that. Although, all the 6 a.m. runs in the world don't seem to be whittling away the old spare tire. Still, I feel less hopeless about fitness and changing my body than I have in years.
Why then am I just plain worn out and tired of working in every other area in my life? And, how do I continue on from here? Is this the signs of early depression? A total midlife crises come early? Or, more optimistically, just someone who is on the brink of completely turning their life around? What am I supposed to take from all of this I'm feeling and how do use that? Is this normal for a 35-year-old woman with two kids under school age? If so, why do women LIVE this way and when will it all go away?
And could all of these thoughts be coincidentally happening when I have PMS? (I think not!) Should I be sealed away once or twice a month when I have these hormone surges? Or do they just bring to a head the problems that I really do have that I supress on most days and ignore? Those are the problems that need to be addressed for me to move forward in my life and be happy. So, how can I possibly just chalk this all up to hormones and pretend it isn't there? How can I when I'm just so darn tired of it all? And every time things come up, I just feel more and more exhausted with it, like I can't deal anymore.
I'm just so tired of it right now. And I don't quite know what that means. Does that mean I am giving up? I don't feel like I have the energy to work on things anymore and yet, I don't know that giving up solves anything.
Ironically, the only thing I HAVE been feeling more energized about lately is working out--running, doing weights, aerobics, etc. Yesterday, I had a friend tell me I had "rockin' legs" and that I looked great from my running workouts. It was so nice for someone to recognize that. Although, all the 6 a.m. runs in the world don't seem to be whittling away the old spare tire. Still, I feel less hopeless about fitness and changing my body than I have in years.
Why then am I just plain worn out and tired of working in every other area in my life? And, how do I continue on from here? Is this the signs of early depression? A total midlife crises come early? Or, more optimistically, just someone who is on the brink of completely turning their life around? What am I supposed to take from all of this I'm feeling and how do use that? Is this normal for a 35-year-old woman with two kids under school age? If so, why do women LIVE this way and when will it all go away?
And could all of these thoughts be coincidentally happening when I have PMS? (I think not!) Should I be sealed away once or twice a month when I have these hormone surges? Or do they just bring to a head the problems that I really do have that I supress on most days and ignore? Those are the problems that need to be addressed for me to move forward in my life and be happy. So, how can I possibly just chalk this all up to hormones and pretend it isn't there? How can I when I'm just so darn tired of it all? And every time things come up, I just feel more and more exhausted with it, like I can't deal anymore.
posted by Crazy MomCat @ 2:46 PM
1 Comments:
You are so totally normal... And I think that's the best part about blogging... you can see that the tiredness and fed-up-ness comes in cycles for all of us. I really admire your bravery for talking about it. And hey, can we see a picture of your rockin legs? ;-)
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