Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The pine needle in my side

This is big ol' box that contains the mammoth tree, that I intend to put up today.

This is the tree trunk with too many notches that comes with the mammoth tree that gives me supreme stress every year.

These are the branches that await my placement on the trunk with too many notches on the mammoth tree that gives me supreme stress every year.

These are the hyper children, who think they are "helping" me put on the many branches on the trunk with too many notches on the mammoth tree that gives me supreme stress every year.

Ok, enough with the prose already!

Yes, I AM decorating for Christmas before Thanksgiving. I can't help it. I will spend 3-4 days with my family and I know when I get back I will not feel like decorating. So, I'm at least getting the tree going today.

I hate my stinkin' Christmas tree. Seriously. It is a big pine needle in my side every year, and every year I swear I will carry it off and dump it in an empty field like a dead body or something. Better yet, I'd like dump it and then stop on it and beat it, playing that "Die Mother #$#ker" song as I do--just like the guys on "Office Space."

Our tree is about 7-8 years old and it is 9 feet tall with 12 rows of branches (each branch must be attached separately, so each row has 6-8 individual things to attach). I'll admit, when fully decorated and lit, it is very beautiful. We bought it when we lived in another city in another house that had a huge vaulted ceiling in the living room--open to the second floor. (Yes, since then we have learned about a little thing called your electric bill and how ridiculously high it is when you have an entire room that spans two stories.) So, the tree was ideal in that house. A small tree would have looked pathetic. And, so we bought it, not realizing the commitment we were making for holidays to come. Fortunately, or perhaps not, our ceilings are just high enough in our current house for the tree to be possible.

I have two small children. So, DUDE, I don't WANT this commitment anymore! My friend Mary had the same kind of tree. Every year, we would call and promise to have tree assembly gatherings at each others house just to help get through it. Every year, we'd end up doing it ourselves, too afraid of punishing the other person into having to help with TWO of these monstrosities. But, we'd still manage to call one another several times that day, just to bitch about our f@#$ing trees.

I feel lonely this year, and somewhat jealous. Mary finally had it, put her foot down and insisted, and took her craft store coupon and bought a pre-lit tree. (I forgot to mention, darling husbands don't get the problem with the tree. But, then, husbands aren't here to PUT UP the tree every year now, ARE they?)

I leave tomorrow morning for my folks for Thanksgiving. I still have 5 loads of laundry, packing and cleaning to do. I have to box up the 5 dozen cookies I made this morning and finish this darn tree. So, stay tuned for part two of my tree tale...entitled, "Who will get lit up first? MomCat or the Xmas tree?" (I may need to do that, just to survive this another year.)


Update: It looks like neither of us will get lit up tonight. After finishing the laundry, voting on my yard of the month pick for the committee I'm on, making and eating dinner, making an packing up cookies, cleaning and packing, I have no Xmas spirit left. The tree is fully assembled, but stands undecorated. Stay tuned to see it in all its glory sometime after Turkey Day. Have a great Thanksgiving. And, let me just take this chance to thank you, blog readers, for always listening to my whines, rants, and silliness!

Update 2: And, in case you were wondering, I DO plan to read my new digital camera book on my travels this weekend so maybe my next photos won't be tinted blue! What is UP with that anyway???


Blogger Tyra said...

My mom had this tree that was awful. It was very realistic looking but it would tear up your hands and arms putting it together. She made me and my sister put it up every year though.

I used to have an artificial but when we put the addition on our home we started getting a huge, real tree. I plan on getting my decorations down over the weekend but I'll wait on the tree for another week or so.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

8:06 AM, November 23, 2005  
Blogger Babs said...

whew, I thought something was wrong with my monitor or my eyes when I was looking at your pics! Good for you for even getting the tree up... Happy T-Day!

10:19 AM, November 23, 2005  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

Glad you got the tree up, at least. Decorating it is the fun part.

We're real-tree people over here. My mom finally got a fake one a few years ago and they have a much harder time putting it up than we ever have bringing our real one into the house and setting it down on the floor.

Have a great Thanksgiving!! :)

11:58 AM, November 23, 2005  
Blogger Vanessa said...

I bought a new tree last year after Christmas, one with the lights already on. I figure the money I'll save on the alcohol I will not need after not having to string the lights will MORE than pay for the new tree!

Happy Thanksgiving to you, too, MomCat!

7:41 PM, November 23, 2005  
Blogger Carol said...

So what does it say about me if I still have pumpkins on my front porch, leaves in my yard and no thoughts of gift buying in my head? You are one ambitious soul!!

8:14 PM, November 23, 2005  
Blogger christina said...

Ooh if you read your digital camera book you'll be one up on me. I think that was one of my goals for Otober. Yeah, it didn't happen. I'm going the old trial & error route...

Can't wait to see more pics. The last one of the half assembled tree with your kiddos is too cute.

Happy thanksgiving!!

10:33 PM, November 24, 2005  
Anonymous irene said...

we have an artificial tree too here, because I love to put it in the kids room during Christmas than in the livingroom. plus, I suck at decorating trees. and I can't stand the spikes all over the floor or carpet. I do feel bad about it someimes ;)

2:45 PM, November 25, 2005  
Anonymous Theresa said...

I HATE those f*#&$^% trees too! But with S's mold allergy and asthma, we can't have a real one anymore! WAA!

I love your posts period! So thank you!! :)

7:09 AM, November 26, 2005  
Blogger Carmi said...

Look for the white balance adjustment to get rid of the blue tint in your pics.

I'm loving the fact that I don't do the tree thing more and more each year. Reading this entry gets me tired...I'll just enjoy the trees of others through their blogs.

11:09 PM, November 27, 2005  

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