It's not easy being yellow...
Being of the fair-haired genome, I have endured a lifetime of the blonde jokes.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool?
A: Air Pockets
Yes, laugh it up, laugh it up. It is so very funny. Unless you are a blonde, and you realize that the highlights in your hair can make others think you are lacking in the gray matter. And, when you consider yourself fairly educated and not that dingy at all, this can get very old.
But, most often, I enjoy a good dumb blonde joke as much as the next person. Next to the "Yo Momma" jokes, these are among my favorites actually. And then you have a day where you live up to that awful blonde stigma and you just have to stop midwalk and kick yourself really hard for doing that.
The past two weeks, I've been following a diet plan given to me by my new personal trainer. She'd written down a menu for me and told me to be pretty strict with it the first few weeks, to get the maximum weight loss which will jump start my metabolism (and my enthusiasm) for the program. I took home my large packet of nutritional information and read through it and then began following the menu religiously.
Now, I have to say that I have been very dedicated to the program until the past few days. I have followed her menu to a "T," even when I did not like the food. I have eaten more lean meats and proteins than this body can handle. And, when got to the point that I was starting to physically gag at the site of cous cous, I knew I had to say something. Cous cous for lunch, cous cous for dinner...I mean, I like the stuff as much as the next Tom, Dick or Harry, but sometimes you can have too much COUS COUS, people!
When I reached the point of spontaneous regurgitation at the site of my grainy little friend, I finally emailed my trainer that I was frustrated with the diet and didn't feel like it was going to work for me. I asked for a pep talk and whether I could make any adjustments to it to get me through the rest of the second week.
I got no reply. So, I started worrying that in my heightened state of cous cous agitation, I'd been rude in my message to her. Another day went by with no response. Then, I was certain that she's taken offense at my attack on cous-cous. Perhaps she has a special attachment to it and my remarks about gagging upon it have silenced any further training support I might have received? Could I have been blacklisted for my attack on the cous? Will trainers everywhere be alerted to avoid me as I am anti-whole grain?
And, then I got a call from my trainer.
Yes, I ate exactly what she wrote down for two weeks, all the while wondering when I'd be able to eat other things. All the time trying to be so dedicated and gagging on my egg whites for breakfast, my twice daily grains and veggies, and the rest.
Trainer: "I have been meaning to call you. I'm a little confused as to why you're struggling. I have never had anyone tell me they couldn't handle this diet."
MomCat (embarrassed): "Uh, oh. OK, sorry. Yeah, I'll try harder..."
MomCat: "It's just that...well, I'm getting tired of eating the same thing for every meal, every day. I've substituted in a few things but really it getting monotonous. I am looking forward to when I can start eating some of the other recipes and suggestions after that first few weeks."
Trainer: "I'm sorry. What?"
MomCat: "You know, I followed this meal plan you wrote down for me for the first two weeks and then I get to eat other things, right?"
Trainer: "Uh, no. That was just a sample for you. You can eat anything that's in that long list of food groups that I gave you on the first day. Wait...do you mean you've been eating exactly what I wrote down every single day for two weeks straight?"
MomCat (sheepishly): "Well, uh, yeah. And, I was getting really tired of the cous-cous, to be honest. You mean I could have been eating all of this other stuff too? OH MY GOSH, you must think I'm a total idiot!"
(a long non-reassuring silence)
And, that, my friends is a blonde moment. I wish I could say it was my first, but it is not. And, I have a feeling it is not my last either. Most of all, I'm quite certain she thinks I'm the biggest airhead on the planet.
Later in the phone conversation, I successfully helped her with a computer problem she was having with a file and gave her a solution that worked. Somehow, I don't think my technical savvy was enough to repair the "blonde" stigma I have now permanently tattooed to myself in my trainer's eyes. No, I just have this feeling that she's going to be telling all future clients with a laugh,
You know, it's not always easy being "yellow." Sigh...
"Now, REMEMBER, this is just a SAMPLE menu. You don't need to follow this every day, you can eat all of this other stuff too. You see, I once had a client...she was a blonde, you know..."
Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.