Sunday, January 07, 2007

A really long resolution review...

One year and one day ago today, I posted a very long and obnoxious list on this blog. It was a sad attempt at resolutions mixed with ranting and humor that, quite frankly as I reread it, must have fallen flatter than a pancake. Perhaps you remember this? But, did my resolutions fall as flat as my bad jokes? Let's do a little review of my 2006 resolutions, shall we?

My 2006 Resolutions and Rants
(A Mixed Up List of Real Hopes and Even More Real Aggravations)
1. Lose weight and keep it off. (Working on this one already...more on that soon.)
Oddly, the answer to this is yes, and no. Mostly no. According to my trainer, I lost 8 inches around my body and yet because of my ability to put on muscle quickly I gained 8 pounds of muscle. Does this sound like trainer BS? Yes, when you read it, it does. But, the tape measure told a different story. Now, since the holidays, have I probably put BACK on the 8 pounds I lost? Well, most certainly..

2. Never have to put lose weight on my resolutions list again because it is SO overdone, isn't it?
Uh, I haven't really MADE an official nit-picky sort of resolutions list yet, so I guess I haven't broken this one. But, I'm a third generation list-maker, so it is only a matter of time my friends...

3. Teach my daughter how to "go potty" so I can be DONE with the damn diapers.
Oh, HELL no! My daughter isn't even three yet though. What was I thinking? At 18 months she was going to be fully p-trained? Hello? Can we say unrealistic parenting people? And, for the record, she wears pull-ups but has such a fascination with the princess pull ups that my only chances of potty training her are if I can produce Ariel or Cinderella in the bathroom AND they crown her the best princess of all if she goes potty. (And, they must throw in M&Ms too. Princess colored M&Ms.)

4. Reteach my six-year-old son how to HIT the potty. (Note to kid: hitting the wallpaper, back of the toilet, in the trashcan, or on the pipes or floor does NOT constitute getting it in.)
Hey, this one has gotten better! No more bleach-wiped pee clean ups in quite awhile. Woo! Hoo!

5. Teach my CAT how to go in her potty. (Notice a theme here?)
Yeah, and this one...not so much.

6. Give up on the cat and just wait for her to head to the great meowing beyond.
Still waiting on this one too. Damn cat.

7. Order all new carpet once number 6 is complete.
Please, don't make me keep thinking about this. It is too traumatic...

8. Do my best to only write witty and interesting things on my blog, and not become a boring list blog of what I did today and what my kid's poop schedule is.
To date, I have not published a poop schedule. As a stereo-typical "mommy blogger" (did I just say that?), I consider that a really fine accomplishment.

9. To complete 8, delete this list.
Yeah, yeah...enough with the lousy humor. Man, 1 year older and wiser, eh?

10. Tell a few potty humor jokes to the six-year-old so he thinks his mom is SO funny and cool.
Alrighty, then! Now we're in business. I am really great at potty humor. I attribute this to the fact that my father's two greatest t.v. heroes were Al Bundy and Archie Bunker. Just ask my son...and all his friends. I can roll out the best of the fart jokes. And, don't get me started on vomit ones...

11. Figure out what is wrong with my hair and FIX it already.
Oh lord no...let's not go there. It is even worse now than it was before. I find myself obsessing over the latest in lovely hair styles of soap opera stars. You know, from that that soap that I swear the DVR has not been recording, because I am not that immature and ridiculous.

12. Give husband a crash course in pop rock ballads of the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Anyone who can't tell the difference between Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel needs some serious help.
He still needs help. I'm looking for some sort of 12-step program for the musically-challenged, but have yet to find it. But, I give him credit for teaching my son the finer side of classic rock music. He's seven and he has developed really pretty decent taste in tunes.

13. Somehow find a way to get a good Ipod without paying the $300 plus for it to get the one I want.
YES! I found a way! It is called "Christmas money from the in-laws!" That, and Nano prices came down a bit. Thanks to a work deadline, I've yet to play with it, but that's on my list for tomorrow. Yippeeee!

14. Ditto with getting my house interior painted only add about $1000 to that number.
We also did most of this! It made SUCH a difference. Tomorrow is paint day for my son's new room. I found cheap labor. The only problem with him is that he thinks Don Henley only OPENED for the Eagles. (wink)

15. Find a way to pay for a maid. Consider donating plasma monthly, because it is SO worth it.
Never found a way to do this. But, thanks to a big ole' check about to hit my mailbox, I may not have to lose the plasma just yet.

16. Learn to live with my gas-guzzling, road-hogging, environment-polluting SUV that everyone hates. We've only had it a few years and it runs great. My next car will be politically correct and a normal size, I promise. (Unless I run out of money doing 13, 14, and 15. In which case, I will be living in my gas-guzzling, road-hogging, environment-polluting SUV.)
I'm still driving it, and less begrudgingly. It is a wonderful car that has given us no trouble and is so comfortable and luxurious and yadda, yadda. I will kick myself when it does finally go and I scale back, but I still want to do something a little more environmentally-conscious.

17. Ignore family member's idea to buy and bring a karaoke machine to family gatherings. If the family member does go through with this, do NOT sing no matter what! As much as I'd like that talent, I don't have it. As my nephew says, the real fun time to be had is in bringing the machine, then sitting back and making fun of everyone else as they try and sing. Smart kid...
My family rests easy at night because I have NOT karaoked. I was mulling over a voice class for people who think they can't sing today in a magazine. But, I'm afraid I'll wind up on a reality show or something, so I will probably stick to belting out car tunes...much to my children's chagrin.

18. Go to sleep earlier so that I don't turn into a real Crankcopatumus each morning as I have to force myself up from bed.
This is my biggest failure to date. Just check out the time on this entry. And, this is EARLY for me the past few weeks.

19. Stop obsessing with how many stars my son is getting on his star chart at school and realize he is not going to be like I was when it comes to over-achieving in class.
I've relaxed on this. Now, I'm obsessing that my son is too sensitive and avoids conflict to the point that he's going to get pushed around and called a cry-baby. Ah, parenting...good times.

20. Note to self: make my OWN a star chart for my accomplishments as a SAHM to get over number. Announce to family: "When MomCat earns her 10 stars, she WILL be getting a manicure/pedicure and maybe a massage." Hmmm...I think I'm on to something here!
I never did this. But, I also have less of a chip on my shoulder this year. So, I've decided I'm making "Don't be a SAH Martyr" my new motto for 2007.

So, what do you think? Did I pass the grade? Or do I have to try them all over again for 2007?

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Blogger Babs said...

hey, this was fun to read. If you take a voice class, you would totally be my hero. And I'm so with you on the hair resolution... I'm sick of mine (again)

look forward to seeing your painted house... what a victory for you!

12:19 PM, January 07, 2007  
Blogger LadyBugCrossing said...

I think you pass. On your SUV. You are going to need the big car - especially as the kids get bigger. They don't fit in small cars. #1 is almost 6 feet tall and he doesn't fit in the back seat of the Civic very well any more...

The kids get bigger and their friends get bigger... You NEED a big car.

You can thank me later!

3:43 PM, January 07, 2007  
Blogger Renee said...

I was coming to comment about the Prada book loss... yeah we had decided to sign the inside cover after each one of us read it. I'm so bummed that someone stole it.

That's really sweet of you to offer to get a new copy...the original was found by Island Girl on a flight from LA to Hawaii...someone left it behind and she already had a copy.

Whatever happens I hope you get to read the book and enjoy it. Now I have to see the movie.

4:47 PM, January 07, 2007  
Blogger Pendullum said...

Glad I read your list...
I never thought of donating plasm for a maid... But DAMN! you got me thinking...
Good luck with the Nano... Best purchase I have EVER made...

9:58 AM, January 08, 2007  
Anonymous Angela said...

Donating plasma... wow, how have I not thought of that as a way to complement my unemployment check?? Brills!!

And "SAH Martyr", I think you pass on this list just for the hilarity in that phrase alone!

11:33 AM, January 08, 2007  
Blogger Vanessa said...

Hey, if you succeed at ONE resolution you're doing great.

6:12 PM, January 08, 2007  
Blogger Masked Mom said...

Resolutions--pleh. I think the fact that you can still find your resolutions from last year even with the help of blogger, is admirable.

7:29 AM, January 09, 2007  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Do whatever you have to to get the housekeeper. WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO. Its the best thing ever!

I think you are doing great on your list. I would say 2006 was a success!

5:26 PM, January 09, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with debbie!! Do WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO ;)

10:33 PM, January 18, 2007  

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