Top 5 Reasons This MomCat is M.I.A.

So, for those of you who haven't completely taken me off your list of blogs to read after my fluffy and meaningless lists of two weeks ago--followed up by an entire week without posting, here's my top five excuses (uh, I mean reasons) for not posting:

1. The hissy cat ate my blog post...then threw it up with about five hairballs on my already cat-ruined carpet. Damn senior citizen kitty!

2. My kids are in complete, drive-MomCat-crazy-this-summer mode. And, it is working...

3. I drowned in the flood of urine that is my daughter's potty accidents...it was a horrible (and smelly) way to go.

4. I won't even mention the other type of accidents from my wee girl that I've had to clean up. Let's just say sometimes princess panties just need to go to that garbage can in the sky because Mommy can only clean up so much ca-ca in one week.

5. I lost 50 pounds, got a much needed tummy tuck, and was crowned the winner of America's Next Top Model: the Mommy Edition. Next stop, the White House.

Seriously, though folks. I have been to potty-training hell and back again. And, knock on wood, we're starting to see a light. For awhile there though, I could be found skirting around my suburbs in an unrecognizable get-up of dark sunglasses, unwashed hair shellacked into a George Washington-like ponytail, a stained t-shirt, and large black wading boots. Oh, and I think there were pants on, but I can't be held to that. (grin)

The checker at the grocery store did not know why I continued to ask her if she was sure she didn't need to go poo-poo in the potty, but it just came out of me uncontrollably, much like my daughter's urine seems to this week. How much pee can be contained ONE petite three-year-old, I ask you???

Thankfully, she IS getting better. And, my fairly new washer and dryer are thankful for that too. But, no amount of toy bribery can convince her to let loose with the poo in the potty, but at least a majority of the time she's making it with the liquid stuff. And, for five days of focus, that's not too bad, I don't think. (Please, don't regal me here with stories of your 15-month-old's potty training excellence, I don't think I could handle it right now.)

Excuse me, I'm off for another potty and laundry cycle run. Hopefully, by NEXT Saturday I can post of way more intellectually stimulating things, and maybe get a shower in-between camping out in my bathroom with toddler books, a sticker chart and enough M&Ms to make any under three year old O.D. on candy.


Oh, and guess what? ALL next week, we get to drive my son downtown to and from his museum camp, which takes about 30 to 45 minutes without traffic. And, all I can think is...how many car accidents will it take to get to the center of MomCat's insanity? Let's find out....ah-one...ah-two....

A purely hypothetical question...

So, say you had entertained in your preteen and teen years, a very serious crush on a really hot 80s pop star. Oh, let's say it was someone, for example, like Rick Springfield. And, let's say you had all of his albums and you even currently own his greatest hits album which you plan to put on your Ipod in the next few days.

OK, now, let's say you found out that Rick was coming to a concert venue near you. And, deep down, while feeling embarrassed, you really want to go. But, you are stuck with the who-to-invite-to-the-cheesy-aging-pop-icon show. Do you:

A. Invite your fun new neighbor friend who seems to have so much in common with you and thereby run the risk of her instantly thinking of you as a dork for asking.

B. Convince your long lost friend who achieved her dream of getting an autograph of a certain equally cheesy 80s singer (whose last name rhymes with "rant") to visit Texas when she's already vowed to not set foot in this sauna until the horrible summer heat has made its exit.

C. Bribe and coerce your spouse into taking you, which will require a LOT of payback since he still teases you for taking you to see Beauty and the Beast when you were first dating in college.

D. Buy the ticket just for yourself as an early birthday present and go, donning a wig, trench coat, and dark sunglasses, and hoping that you can contain yourself at the sight of Ricky-poo and not throw an undergarment on stage for him to sign?

So, what do you do?

This is just hypothetically, now. No, really....really! I mean, I've already told you that he's not aging that well. So, it wouldn't be ME wanting to go!