De-funkifying Myself
I'm in a funk today. So, I'll blog and try to de-funkify myself, and thereby spare you days of whiny blogs--hopefully!
I've realized that I've fallen into a mindset with this blog that isn't really healthy for me. You see, when I heard about blogging, a few friends of mine had started their own blogs and eventually shared with me their sites. I thought, how wonderful! I can start writing again. I also had the added benefit of reconnecting with some good friends that I was losing touch with somewhat, and that has been truly wonderful. It has been great getting reconnected with journaling again too. For me, that's what this started out to be and needs to remain.
I'm a stay-at-home-mom. I've shared before that it can be really isolating. . I think that's why a lot of at-home moms are bloggers, quite frankly. It gives us a grown-up outlet...and something that is JUST OURS. When you spend your day sharing everything, even every spare minute with your family, having something of your own is really valuable. It's like gold to you. At least, that is my experience. I don't even get to go to the bathroom in private most days, people!
But, somewhere along the way, I started caring too much about who was reading me. I started worrying about how many hits I got, and wishing I had a better blogger site design. I thought about doing my own site (which I wish I had time to do still, but I just don't). I got flattered that some people who don't even know me would want to come back and read what I wrote every few days. (I am still quite flattered by that, by the way, so please keep visiting!)
But, I found myself feeling more unhappy than happy by all of this. I was more consumed with wondering why my closest friends weren't reading my blog at all (or rarely) or never commenting. I was bothered when I wasn't linked on their sites or high on their list of must-read blogs. I felt left out when I wasn't mentioned in their blogs. It felt like I wasn't important at all, which is so silly really. My own husband didn't read my site very often, unless I reminded him. My family didn't even keep up with my family-friendly blog site to see pictures of my kids. And, my best friend never visited my site, even when I sent her copies of articles I put on there that I knew she would find amusing (and she did). I have found that this new undertaking of mine, staying home, well I have become real sensitive to when I feel I'm not important to someone who is important to me. And that bugs me...
OK, I'm done with the pity party. Time for a SERIOUS reality check. The truth of the matter is, some people aren't really interested in what I'm writing about...even the people who mean the most to me! And that's a hard pill to swallow. I don't know, maybe there is a certain arrogance to blogging...assuming you will have an audience that is excited to read your stuff. (I'm speaking for myself here, no one else!) It's very ego-centric at times, I believe. But, truthfully, my husband is too busy at work and can't do much surfing because of their work regulations, my best friend here barely has time to check emails and doesn't sit reading anyone's blogs--we chat almost daily on the phone though, my family is NOT computer-savvy in the least, and my friends mostly do visit my blog and read it when they have time. So, I am grateful for all of that.
In all honesty, I did not start writing and doing this blog for any other reason than to get back to something that brings me joy--and that is writing. The fact that I can get feedback on that writing too is an incredible perk. But, I need to remind myself of why this is important to me. It's not a popularity contest. It's just something for me. And if I'm never linked, or mentioned, or read, well that shouldn't matter. And that is what I intend to keep reminding myself of, as I write each day. I'll blog for my own sanity, and if someone else likes what I have said, that is a wonderful compliment that I can cherish. However, I cannot blog with the hopes of that, or it changes my writing and consumes me too much. I lose site of why I did this in the first place.
This reality check has been brought to you by Seriously Steph. Now, back to the regularly scheduled blog riff-raff that is my life. My son is about to be gone spending the night with family for almost 24 hours. If you think his absence isn't going to give me something to blog about, you're NUTS! So, check back soon!
I've realized that I've fallen into a mindset with this blog that isn't really healthy for me. You see, when I heard about blogging, a few friends of mine had started their own blogs and eventually shared with me their sites. I thought, how wonderful! I can start writing again. I also had the added benefit of reconnecting with some good friends that I was losing touch with somewhat, and that has been truly wonderful. It has been great getting reconnected with journaling again too. For me, that's what this started out to be and needs to remain.
I'm a stay-at-home-mom. I've shared before that it can be really isolating. . I think that's why a lot of at-home moms are bloggers, quite frankly. It gives us a grown-up outlet...and something that is JUST OURS. When you spend your day sharing everything, even every spare minute with your family, having something of your own is really valuable. It's like gold to you. At least, that is my experience. I don't even get to go to the bathroom in private most days, people!
But, somewhere along the way, I started caring too much about who was reading me. I started worrying about how many hits I got, and wishing I had a better blogger site design. I thought about doing my own site (which I wish I had time to do still, but I just don't). I got flattered that some people who don't even know me would want to come back and read what I wrote every few days. (I am still quite flattered by that, by the way, so please keep visiting!)
But, I found myself feeling more unhappy than happy by all of this. I was more consumed with wondering why my closest friends weren't reading my blog at all (or rarely) or never commenting. I was bothered when I wasn't linked on their sites or high on their list of must-read blogs. I felt left out when I wasn't mentioned in their blogs. It felt like I wasn't important at all, which is so silly really. My own husband didn't read my site very often, unless I reminded him. My family didn't even keep up with my family-friendly blog site to see pictures of my kids. And, my best friend never visited my site, even when I sent her copies of articles I put on there that I knew she would find amusing (and she did). I have found that this new undertaking of mine, staying home, well I have become real sensitive to when I feel I'm not important to someone who is important to me. And that bugs me...
OK, I'm done with the pity party. Time for a SERIOUS reality check. The truth of the matter is, some people aren't really interested in what I'm writing about...even the people who mean the most to me! And that's a hard pill to swallow. I don't know, maybe there is a certain arrogance to blogging...assuming you will have an audience that is excited to read your stuff. (I'm speaking for myself here, no one else!) It's very ego-centric at times, I believe. But, truthfully, my husband is too busy at work and can't do much surfing because of their work regulations, my best friend here barely has time to check emails and doesn't sit reading anyone's blogs--we chat almost daily on the phone though, my family is NOT computer-savvy in the least, and my friends mostly do visit my blog and read it when they have time. So, I am grateful for all of that.
In all honesty, I did not start writing and doing this blog for any other reason than to get back to something that brings me joy--and that is writing. The fact that I can get feedback on that writing too is an incredible perk. But, I need to remind myself of why this is important to me. It's not a popularity contest. It's just something for me. And if I'm never linked, or mentioned, or read, well that shouldn't matter. And that is what I intend to keep reminding myself of, as I write each day. I'll blog for my own sanity, and if someone else likes what I have said, that is a wonderful compliment that I can cherish. However, I cannot blog with the hopes of that, or it changes my writing and consumes me too much. I lose site of why I did this in the first place.
This reality check has been brought to you by Seriously Steph. Now, back to the regularly scheduled blog riff-raff that is my life. My son is about to be gone spending the night with family for almost 24 hours. If you think his absence isn't going to give me something to blog about, you're NUTS! So, check back soon!
posted by Crazy MomCat @ 3:11 PM
3 Comments:
Funny you chose this topic today. After last night I was starting to think that my own blog has become too much of a whine-fest lately, and that I've gotten away from my initial goal of mostly sharing hopefully amusing anecdotes. I also have the same concerns you have about the potential arrogance or egocentricity of having a blog. That's one reason I put off starting one for so long. All this to say, I'm with ya on the reality check; I'm kinda in the same boat too...
Ditto! Remember about a month ago when I was all sad about the frequence of email and blogger comments?!? I think it must be a common experience for bloggers... On the bright side, I feel all better now. So, I'm sure you will soon too. :)
Well now that I've started reading your blog, I'm hooked! I feel like I have so much in common with you- and while I've spent a lot of time getting to know other stay at home moms in my area, I've met very few who I feel like I have a real rapport with.
As someone who's blogging in hopes that NO ONE I know EVER reads my blog, I really enjoy pouring my heart out to strangers who see a little bit of themselves in what I've written.
You never know whom you're affecting with your blog. It probably won't be your best friends at home- It might be someone like me somewhere far far away from you...
And now at least we're all supposedly writing for the right reasons- for the sheer joy of it, and also to put it out there for anyone to read without any real hope of benefitting from it.
As for the negativity, I feel like I spend a lot of my blog time dwelling on the bad stuff, too- But the good stuff would be kind of boring and uninteresting, wouldn't it? Not to mention people would hate us if they knew what truly wonderful lives we lead in general.
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