Sunday, August 12, 2007

How do I find myself in these situations???

In my early blogging days, I spent a few blog posts explaining a certain situation I had with a sort of unstable neighbor. A friendship gone awry when she began fixating on my son, spreading false rumors about his behavior and then she got a little stalkerish when I shut down the friendship over it all. If you've read awhile, I called her my "arch-enemy" at one point even. I felt watched, targeted, and just sick to death of this person, quite frankly.

Well, a lot can happen in a few years time. We are, by no means, close friends, nor will we ever be again after that. But, things have settled into what I like to think of as a neighborly friendly relationship. Meaning, we wave to one another, might stop and chat for a bit, and occasionally our youngest two kids play together. But, that's it. We are thankfully no longer in the same social groups, and there's never more of an invitation extended than just the occasional chat on the street or at the bus stop.

I am comfortable with this now. I do not, however, trust her at all. And, for those who know this whole story, they are saying "Oh, thank goodness" about now too. It's too much detail to go into here, trust me.

So, when she emailed me, inviting me to have dinner with a mutual friend of ours who has just moved back into the area, inviting along two other mutual friends, I thought...OK. Sure. I can DO this.

Then, I got the last minute emails that the other two weren't going and I realized...oh, my gawd...we're riding together ALONE to meet this girl. Then, I threw up a little in my mouth at the thought of it.

This is the type of person who is very calculating and likes to gather tidbits from people's lives, makes her assumptions, and then spreads rumors based on those assumptions. This person likes to make up false things about my son and my husband and me for sport.

And, I was going to have to be in a car with her for almost an hour? WTF was I thinking???

I started to ask my husband to call and check on me to make sure I was not in a ditch somewhere, but decided we were really past that scary phase with her, I thought . But, then, I worried...what would I rattle on about that would later become ammunition for her to use against me behind my back. I tend to be an open book, sharing more than I probably should and making myself vulnerable because of it.

And, how paranoid must that sound to you who have no clue about what this person has done to me and my family in the past?

So, finally, I went. And, it went fine. I am not chopped up in a million pieces in a neighbor's freezer. I was not insulted. The conversation flowed. It was...gasp...pleasant even.

But, why now do I sit here just waiting for the other shoe to drop? And, what do you do when someone has hurt you and your family so badly in the past to stop that feeling from cropping up every time you are around the person? I don't have rage against her anymore like I did before. But, will I always feel this on-guard? Should I be? Does the leopard never change its spots? Or is it a zebra changing his stripes? Oh, whatever the hell, my point is...do people change? And, if they do not, how do you ever move past a major betrayal and learn to relax around them again?

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3 Comments:

Blogger LadyBugCrossing said...

Tread very very carefully!!!
xo
LBC

8:13 PM, August 13, 2007  
Blogger Nicole said...

Don't ever trust her again. People seldom change. I always find wisdom in old sayings such as: Fool me once...

9:57 PM, August 13, 2007  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Hey, doing some back reading on your blog but had to comment on this topic.

I, too, have a friend who totally knocked my feet out from under me one day by holding onto a "hurt" from 8 months before then jumped me when I was at a vulnerable point in my life. I will never trust her again, EVER. I cannot ever like her the same way either. To know that she could say what she said to me just hurt me beyond belief. I say, be VERY careful around this person. You already know what she's made of. Remember, the old saying...Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me - isn't that the saying?? Yikes! Now I can't remember!

6:05 PM, August 14, 2007  

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